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Member since:08.03.2001
Reviews:254
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Sigh and harrumph.
I dunno what’s the matter with me when it comes to movies. I’m all disenchanted with all the pieces of sh*t that make a buck or two being immediately optioned for franchises (2 Fast 2 Furious stand up and then f**k off).
So imagine my suspicions-stroke-delight when the mildly disappointing X-Men franchise got given the go ahead for another slice of the cash pie.
Let us delve into the plot, eh? Oh, let we, let we.
***THE PLOT***
It’s pretty much straight after the events documented in the first X-Men (synopsis: Mutants exist. They meet each other. Save world leaders. End), and facial-hairily-challenged Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) is in Canada trying to dredge up nuggets of his murky past (for more of the same, watch Van Helsing. Jackman is not exactly breaking the mould there). But wait! There’s no time for amnesia-curing japery! Some blue-furred freak (Nightcrawler – played by Alan Cummings) just went and nearly stuck a knife in the President’s vitals! X-Men to the rather relaxed investigation!
Along with all the other good X-folks (Jean Grey, Cyclops, Rogue, Iceman, Pyro, Storm…the list goes long), Professor X soon finds that his old buddy-slash-nemesis Magneto has spilled his brains to human anti-mutant type Stryker. Soon the entire X-Men program (secretly run by Prof. X in his special school) is under threat, and all the X-Men must team up with all the bad guys – well, the two of them (the other is the shape-shifting Mystique, who I believe doubles as a popular R’n’B combo) to stop Stryker fulfilling his naughty plan to KILL ALL MUTANTS!
***THE SAGA CONTINUES***
The mood of this movie
is very odd. It doesn’t seem to know what it is – at once it is a geek’s dream, with mutant cameos (Hi Colossus! Weren’t you meant to be Russian?) and the long-awaited “berserker rage”. Then it is a continuation of the first movie, but with no real explanations forthcoming for a lot of the new stuff (Pyro seems tacked on, Storm’s accent is totally different…). It just seems so…relaxed. And over-confident.
Firs off, there’s the action sequences. Undoubtedly spectacular and somewhat believable – but for me, some of them failed to engage. There is a plane chase through some nifty hurricanes, which sounds great but ends up being about 2 minutes long. The raid on the school is only good because Wolverine goes apesh*t (He needs his own movie. Noooooow!)
Ah! I’ve got it! There are simply TOO MANY set pieces, and all short ones. This is bound to happen though, because each X-Man has a particular property that – even in the cartoon – is best highlighted by concentrating on the individual. Hence Pyro’s attack on the police cars is phenomenal, and the Wolverine/Lady Deathstrike one-on-one is both impressive and makes me tense the shoulders in reaction (check out the bit where Deathstrike turns Wolvie’s back into so much shredded lettuce – OWCH!). That said, if we were treated to the mutants teaming up against a common foe (Sentinels please!) then I’d be a happy widdle geek-boy.
For the most part, director Bryan Singer keeps a close eye on what demands attention, but I do think he left a little too much in. Still, I would probably still moan if he’d left bits out. I can’t get over the fact that this feels like a merry little ride, rather than a nail-biter. Maybe because the movie still has Wolverine at its core, and it is his voyage of self discovery that clogs up the full-on action. Plus you don’t really find out THAT much about him. Better to read the comics, where the relationships are far more complex. And well-realised.
So now we come to the score, which I will mention before the acting for one reason alone. Only King Kong could produce a turd this large. And at least it would smell vaguely of bananas. The score is intrusive in the only way a blockbuster movie score can be. It TELLS YOU HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL. No! I refuse to give in to your fascist musical propaganda! The scene where Storm & Jean Grey encounter the magnificent Nightcrawler (easily my favourite X-Man ABOVE Wolverine) screams out a musical cue so overblown and loud that it makes me want to hurl the television into my imaginary swimming pool each and every time. I like quite scores, if any at all, thank you. This one needs burning along with Avril Lavigne and possibly the person who invented Snack-A-Jacks.
***X-PUN***
Now, the acting. “Yeah, I thought Jean Grey was accurately portrayed”. “The characterisation of Professor X was marvellous”. No. These are not the comic book personas brought to life (expect Wolvie and Nightcrawler mebbe). As someone else has pointed out to me – and I agree – this is like an “alternative universe” of the X-Men. You will know how hammy the dialogue can be in the X-Men cartoons, right? But nonetheless, still enjoyable. The X-Men Evolution cartoon suffers a similar fate but is still good. And in the same way, this moves the cartoon dialogue into more of a “real-world” setting. Hence only the most interesting characters remain interesting. In the cartoon, Storm would often utter “winds of the earth, hear my plea!” and so on. In the movie, she is reduced to spouting tepid drudge like “sometimes anger can be good” or “it’s about to get very cold”. Give me hammy weather commands any day! In the comic she was a regal queen of the skies! Now she’s Halle bloody Berry! A young Angela Bassett for the inevitable remake please!
As for the rest – well, nowt special. Anna Paquin only vaguely steps up the Rogue character – but still not the ass-kicking sardonic flying juggernaut from the comics. Iceman has some – oh sod it, I’m gonna say it – “cool” moments – but I want giant ice-slides like the cartoon! Pyro is the most intriguing character but soon gets pushed into the background. All the characters have story arcs but few of them really stick in the craw – except Jean Grey’s “evolution”. At the end of it all, I was left with the sense that 20 minutes less exposition and a lot more team-up ass kicking would have set this in stone as a great action/sci-fi movie.
After having watched this about 5 times now, I find myself waiting for the cool mutant action and not giving a damn about the story – which you could fit on the back of a regulation-sized postal stamp. “Man wants mutants dead. Mutants team up to stop man. End.” It just leaves me feeling like I’ve wasted my time, even though I am a huge fan of the X-Men universe. Maybe that’s the problem. Some non-X-Men fans seem to really dig this – so if you liked the first one (or if you didn’t – this is a lot better) then give this a whirl. It may not change you life, but at least it has a heart, and a bit of characterisation. Better this than Matrix Revolutions, anyway.
One word review – “meh.”
I now want X3 to be a full on mutant jamboree. I want Beast. Gambit. More Colossus. More Jubilee (and actually using her powers, please!). Rogue must fly. Full-on comic action can be good! It MUST be good! ARE YOU LISTENING YOU HOLLYWOODLAND MONKEYS?!@# THE GEEKS ARE COMING!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
LESSONS LEARNED:
o Mutant brain-juice is powerful ju-ju o Even mutants become lazy in front of the TV o Ice is nice but fire is cooler o Cats like claws and frozen coffee
Production Year: 2007 - Science Fiction - Director: Francis Lawrence - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Alice Braga, Charlie Tahan, Dash Mihok, Will Smith, Salli Richardson, Willow Smith
A great review. You pointed out many of the things I've mentioned about this film eg Storm's accent
mattygroves 19.04.2004 18:19
I really liked the film, though felt Halley Berry (Or however you spell it) was badly miscast. Ah well...that's me. It'll be interesting to see what they do with Jean Grey next film - will the Phoenix arise? Did anyone notice the firebird in the water at the end? Am I an anorak? Answers on a postcard, please. Cheers, Kate
Calypte 15.04.2004 23:03
Hugh Jackman... black leather... I'm sorry, what were you saying?! :)
X-Men 2picks up almost directly whereX-Menleft off: misguided super-villain Magneto (Ian ... more
McKellen) is still a prisoner of the US government, heroic bad-boy Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) is up in Canada investigating his mysterious origin, and the events at ...
Postage & Packaging: £1.21 Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
X-Men 2picks up almost directly whereX-Menleft off: misguided super-villain Magneto (Ian ... more
McKellen) is still a prisoner of the US government, heroic bad-boy Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) is up in Canada investigating his mysterious origin, and the events at ...
Postage & Packaging: Free! Availability: Usually dispatched within 24 hours...
The time has come for those who are different to stand united... The X-Men have to band ... more
together to find a mutant assassin who has made an attempt on the President's life while the Mutant Academy at Westchester is attacked by military forces promptin...
Postage & Packaging: £0.00 Availability: 3-5 working days
Hatred and distrust brew between human and mutantkind. An unprovoked mutant attack on the ... more
President gives General William Stryker (Brian Cox) his long awaited opportunity to wage all-out war against the mutants. A war that would leave only one race vic...
Advantages: Great Cast, wicked Speacile Effects, Deeper than Original Disadvantages: Halle Berry Criminally Underused, Maybe To Long, and Script Flounders At End
JayHall1991 06.10.2004 (06.10.2004)
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Review of X-Men 2 (DVD)
![X-Men 2 Special Edition DVD (Two Disc Set) [2003]](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/78518491.jpg "X-Men 2 Special Edition DVD (Two Disc Set) [2003]")
Apr 14th, 2004
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