A is for Anyone can tell that dave27 ain't exactly the world's biggest fan of War Movies. In fact, I can categorically claim that I have never, ever seen a War Movie which I would have been prepared to give house room to. Much the same as Cowboy Films, the fascination for War Movies has always passed me by.
B is for But I'd almost forgotten exactly how bleeding tedious War Movies are. That is until I had the terrible misfortune of stumbling upon U-571, quite one of the dullest, most stereotypically dull despite the constant nearness of death things you're ever likely to experience.
C is for Conscientious objectors certainly knew what they were doing when they logged their deep seated opposition to War and commitment to pacifism. They doubtless knew that the 'Thrill of Battle' would give rise to a thousand boring War Movies such as U-571, which, in case you're not managing to keep up, I can't think of anything positive to say about.
D is for Derring do disasters such as this movie can be a real pain in the butt. The conflict of man against man, all imprisoned in a claustrophobic world of their own where they
can only survive by pooling their resources and abilities, despite themselves. D is also for Deepest, Darkest Depression and Dangerously Dull Movies.
E is for Everyone connected with this movie should immediately express their sincerest feelings of guilt at having been connected with such absolute bunkum, specifically designed to make me feel particularly nauseous and bored - an odd combination.
F is For Heaven's Sake, surely the money and effort that was sunk into U-571 would have been better spent on something much more worthy and/or interesting, such as foodstuff for a guinea pig.
G is for Get out of my house and do not darken my doorstep ever again, ye wasteful producers of PAP - why did you bother making such dross.
H is for Harvey Keitel and one of the naffest ever of toothbrush moustaches, effectively making the said Keitel resemble nothing so much as an aged Adolf...
Now, fear not gentle readers, I could keep this up all night, boring you to tears in a way very similar to this awful movie, but I couldn't do that to you, now could I. Alternatively, Q, X and Z would have been very problematic, now wouldn't they? Sky Premier billed this 2000 film as follows: "White knuckle stuff for submariners Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton and Harvey Keitel as they fight to break the U-boat stranglehold in a WWII action thriller - 111 minutes."
It certainly feels like every one of those 111 minutes as well, because, while U-571 is VERY realistic and serious looking it somehow never rises up to be much more than the sum of its very scant parts and its stereotyped cast. I had looked forward more than somewhat to seeing this film, because I'd heard an awful lot of very good things about it from a number of sources. However, from about five minutes in when we see the US Navy at play before getting their leave cancelled for a TOP SECRET mission, I was dying for the end to come so I could bog off to bed. It probably is because of my deep seated contempt for the War Movie. It's a real shame because you would have thought these people could have come up with something superior to this deeply unimpressive fare.
It's very earnest and sincere and self consciously important and might have been a great movie way back when such movies were all the vogue, except it's far too reasonable and objective a piece to have appealed to the gung ho delights of Tommy Little Englander, who likes his Jerries to be thoroughly EVIL. Oh well, at least they're all sporting pretty abysmal Bob Dylan wispy beards, to let us know that they're not to be trusted.
In the interests of fair play, I'll just spend a bit of time listing this movie's good points now...
Sorry, can't think of any ... well, there are a couple of bits of genuine tension while the crew of the submarine anticipates the arrival of the depth charges, but the Star Trek-like throwing themselves about antics soon put paid to any real drama and quickly gave way to torchlight, whispered warnings and smoky atmospheres as Matthew McConaughey comes over all big eyed and tensely dramatic as the salt of the earth leader of men who was wrongly passed over for promotion by his unpleasant boss but proves himself a born leader as things get really heavy.
Look I'm almost as bored now as I was watching this dire film, so I'll just leave you with the following...
Y is for You've gotta be kidding and Z is for ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......
Nitey nite
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
Production Year: 1964 - Action/Adventure - Director: Cyril Endfield - Original Language: English - Classification: Parental Guidance - Starring:Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, Ulla Jacobsson, James Booth, Michael Caine, Nigel Green
Production Year: 2002 - Action/Adventure - Director: Vincenzo Natali - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring:Lucy Liu, David Hewlett, Anne Marie Scheffler, Joseph Scoren, Matthew Sharp, Jeremy Northam
Production Year: 1977 - Action/Adventure - Director: Clint Eastwood - Original Language: English - Classification: 18 years and over - Starring:Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Pat Hingle, William Prince, Bill McKinney
I've just watched this on TV, and although it's not the greatest film ever, I don't think it deserves the slating you've just given it. Perhaps you shouldn't let your dislike of war movies dictate the whole op. If you want to watch a real war movie, watch Platoon, and if you dislike that, then there's no hope for you!
BNibbles 19.02.2002 00:04
Dave, I have to admit that I liked it a trifle more than you did, but even so, as a submarine drama, it is TOTALLY outranked by Wolfgang Petersen's "Das Boot". Chris
christopherj84 18.02.2002 11:50
Good opinion although I didn't think it was that bad, more of a medium over-hyped film, Chris.
If you've never seen a submarine drama before, thenU-571will probably make a good ... more
impression as a tautly choreographed piece of entertainment. A strong cast led by Matthew McConaughey's sympathetic Lt. Tyler undertakes a perilous mission to seize a Ger...
Postage & Packaging: £1.21 Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
If you've never seen a submarine drama before, thenU-571will probably make a good ... more
impression as a tautly choreographed piece of entertainment. A strong cast led by Matthew McConaughey's sympathetic Lt. Tyler undertakes a perilous mission to seize a Ger...
Postage & Packaging: £1.21 Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
If you've never seen a submarine drama before, thenU-571will probably make a good ... more
impression as a tautly choreographed piece of entertainment. A strong cast led by Matthew McConaughey's sympathetic Lt. Tyler undertakes a perilous mission to seize a Ger...
Postage & Packaging: Free! Availability: Usually dispatched within 24 hours...
A U.S. Navy captain and his crew are just beginning to enjoy 48 hours of leave when they ... more
receive word to immediately return to duty. On a top-secret assignment they must disguise themselves as Nazis and infiltrate a severely damaged Nazi U-boat. Once ...
Postage & Packaging: £0.00 Availability: 3-5 working days
If you've never seen a submarine drama before, thenU-571will probably make a good ... more
impression as a tautly choreographed piece of entertainment. A strong cast led by Matthew McConaughey's sympathetic Lt. Tyler undertakes a perilous mission to seize a Ger...
Postage & Packaging: Free! Availability: Usually dispatched within 24 hours...
![U-571 [DVD] [2000]](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/78522839.jpg "U-571 [DVD] [2000]")
![U-571 [DVD] [2000] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/69887853.jpg "U-571 [DVD] [2000] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]")
Feb 17th, 2002
very helpful by (96%):
helpful by (4%):
![U-571 [HD DVD] [2000] [US Import]](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/70670223.jpg)
