As you have probably noticed.. I am not really here anymore. I still like reviewing/commenting but ...
As you have probably noticed.. I am not really here anymore. I still like reviewing/commenting but I just can't find the time it takes to properly Ciao. As a result I have "transfered" to Stumble. Visit me at: joycefricken.stumbleupon.com
Member since:14.06.2003
Reviews:25
Members who trust:12
Doh! This "blockbuster" (like most Hollywood flicks) was made for people like me.. The cool non-reading, TV watching, modern urban philistine! I'd never read this Illiad. In fact the only Homer I can quote is Homer Simpson.. and honestly I can probably only paraphrase him. Everything I know about Troy I learned on the streets & by watching movies or TV shows relating somehow to it. (I believe one of them actually turned out to be educational!) So this movie was a poem then huh?! Well whatever. Now.. shhhh! Wanna watch the Coming Attractions! .............................................. Our Feature Presentation: TROY
The Set Up Wednesday, 1194 B.C., 6 a. m. Achilles (Brad Pitt) is late for work. Where the hell is he the boss wants to know and sends someone to find him. Of course our bronze butted warrior is eventually found.. oversleeping.. between two women. Bless him. But the boss doesn't fire him. It seems that Achilles isn't just a gorgeous Greek playboy.. He is also a magnificent warrior and leader of men. In fact it is immediately apparent that he has more influence over the troops than the kingly Agamemnon.
Later that evening.. Paris (an almost
manly looking Orlando Bloom) falls in love with Helen (Diane Kruger). Paris is a young self centered blue-blooded Trojan (yes, like the condoms) and Helen, a young Spartan queen, is married to an ogre. Even though.. I'm not really sure what she sees in Paris. Maybe he's her ticket outa there. Maybe she knows she can kick his ass. Hard to say really. Unbeknownst to Hector (Paris' older, wiser, cuter brother) Paris stows her on board ship and the Trojan Brothers head home. By the time Hector finds out what his nipple-headed little brother has done.. it is pretty much too late. The tribes of Greece (including Achilles and his men) have already set sail. And with the intention of kicking some major Trojan ass.
Of Course You Know This Means War! The action sequences were actually rather interesting.. with most of the fighting being hand to hand, one on one, hacking and slashing. Now not being a student of history I can't say for certain that the battle scenes were presented with any authenticity. But they were obviously choreographed. Some battle/fight scenes resembled a mosh pit (surging hordes of flesh) while the more prominent ones (like those between Achilles and Hector) came dangerously close to West Side Story. Still they had a technique and look about them that left me feeling that they were as authentic as Hollywood can get. And considering it was a big budget movie about a big budget war.. it wasn't excessively violent either.
Hector, Hector, Hector! As much as I went to this movie with the intention of doing nothing more than mindless drooling .. I just couldn't help but feel for poor Hector. Eventually his tortured soulful expressions distracted me from the pouty yet solid posturings of Achilles. Part of me wished I could comfort the woeful Hector.. but most of me wanted to clobber him for ruining my perfectly delightful fantasies.
Achilles! Heel! Where I'd had these emotional pangs for Hector.. I'd had very equal but quite opposite pangings for Achilles. Hell it's what I'd thought I'd paid my money for. My boy toy from Troy. I didn't want to care about him. I just wanted to ogle him for a couple of hours then go home. But that damn Hector had started me thinking. I guess Achilles had feelings. He cared for his cousin. He cared for his men. He even had a camp girlfriend. So somewhere near the 2 hour mark I decided that I should care about what happens to him. I tried to pay attention to what he said. I even closed my eyes once so as not to be distracted. It didn't make a difference. I mean even though he is the only lead male character that actually breaks down and sobs (won't count pitiful King Peter O'toole or that sniveling Paris) I still couldn't make myself care about what happened to him.. or his infamous heel.
A Gift Horse! The main (male) characters throughout this movie talk about this war as their golden opportunity. As their vehicle to immortality. They (well mainly the Greeks) all seem to feel that with their sharp swords and brute strength they can carve their names into time itself.. That even a thousand years after the blood and sweat that washed over Troy has soaked into the sand and indeed after that sand has blown into far forgotten corners of the earth.. their names will still be uttered across men's lips. Well they are, of course. Only not for the reasons they thought. Not for the hacking and slashing and burning and raping and looting. There have been thousands of wars and slaughters since then. Bigger wars, Uglier wars, Stupider wars. No.. the names of Troy will be forever remembered but for a gimmick. For a bit player. For a big wooden horse with a hollow belly. I wonder if that would make any difference to them.. our epic heroes? I wonder if Achilles would accept such tainted immortality? Well.. maybe. Like maybe if Brad explained to him how there's no such thing as bad publicity?!
It's rated R if anyone cares. And runs a good 163 mins. So bring extra parking meter money!
Pictures of Troy (Special Edition) (DVD)
Have your people call my people!
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Production Year: 2002 - Action/Adventure - Director: Vincenzo Natali - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring:Lucy Liu, David Hewlett, Anne Marie Scheffler, Joseph Scoren, Matthew Sharp, Jeremy Northam
Production Year: 1964 - Action/Adventure - Director: Cyril Endfield - Original Language: English - Classification: Parental Guidance - Starring:Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, Ulla Jacobsson, James Booth, Michael Caine, Nigel Green
There are many reasons to recommendTroyas a good ol' fashioned Hollywood epic, especially ... more
if you've never read Homer's The Iliad. Dispensing with Greek gods altogether, this earnestly massive production (budgeted at upwards of $200 million) will surely...
Postage & Packaging: £1.21 Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
For honour... In 1193B.C. the dandy Trojan prince Paris (Bloom) irresponsibly spirits ... more
away the unhappy wife of Menelaus (Gleeson) the Spartan king. Demanding the return of Helen the Greeks launch a thousand ships and lay siege to Troy. Under the com...
Postage & Packaging: £0.00 Availability: 3-5 working days
Advantages: Fantastic cinematography, Great acting by Bana and Pitt especially, Gripping battle sequences Disadvantages: Bloom and Bean's performances are flawed , Slightly over-long
![Troy : The Movie&More (2 Disc Special Edition) [2004] [DVD]](http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/78483204.jpg "Troy : The Movie&More (2 Disc Special Edition) [2004] [DVD]")
![Troy (2-Disc Edition) [DVD] [2004]](http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/78503902.jpg "Troy (2-Disc Edition) [DVD] [2004]")
Jun 5th, 2004
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