The Wicker Man (Director's Cut) (DVD)

...disappearance. So he goes to the isolated Summersisle on the opposite side of the country to investigate on her behalf. But no-one will even admit to knowing the little girl and all the evidence points to a cover-up.

And the Stanley Kubrick award for misogyny in film-making goes to writer-director Neil LaBute for this pointless rehash (read: bastardisation) of the classic 1970s horror film. Though Neil LaBute may be an accomplished ...
...throwback to an earlier time; the cycle of scares is undermined by their utter predictability, which isn't helped by the director's decision to pre-empt everything with music. His conversations are made up of static alternating shots of each character so they all feel like talking heads. Then these are inter-cut with action sequences that feel like they've been lifted from a 1980s' TV action movie. There's one scene where a lorry ploughs into a car ... more

Recovering from a work-related trauma, policeman Edward Malus receives a letter from his ex-fiancée, telling him of her daughter Rowan's disappearance. So he goes to the isolated Summersisle on the opposite side of the country to investigate on her behalf. But no-one will even admit to knowing the little girl and all the evidence points to a cover-up.

And the Stanley Kubrick award for misogyny in film-making goes to writer-director Neil LaBute for this pointless rehash (read: bastardisation) of the classic 1970s horror film. Though Neil LaBute may be an accomplished playwright, directing a film seems beyond him. Everything feels like a throwback to an earlier time; the cycle of scares is undermined by their utter predictability, which isn't helped by the director's decision to pre-empt everything with music. His conversations are made up of static alternating shots of each character so they all feel like talking heads. Then these are inter-cut with action sequences that feel like they've been lifted from a 1980s' TV action movie. There's one scene where a lorry ploughs into a car that feels like an off-cut from "Duel". And during the first ten minutes or so it's difficult to place the film in a particular era; it's only when Cage gets his mobile phone out you know it's contemporary.

LaBute also has a tendency to get a death grip on particular effects, regardless of whether they work well. This is especially true of the grainy, juddery flashbacks to earlier moments in the film, filtered through Edward's paranoia. So the same events are replayed with echoing phrases from other scenes and earlier characters replaced with newer ones. But it doesn't clarify anything, it just makes you wonder about Malus' psychological state, which isn't mentioned explicitly anywhere. Another truly irritating thing is the excessive use of pregnant pauses that are ostensibly there to create suspense but fail because you know the actors have no idea what they are supposed to be keeping unsaid.

As a place Summersisle is too overtly creepy and backwards to be anything other than evil. There are too many darkened wooden buildings and thick forests for it to be anything else. Throw in a matriarchal society and the supernatural element to the story is a given. But LaBute makes too much of it, camping it up, so by the time the villagers are preparing for a pagan festival, their ludicrous costumes will make you shake with laughter rather than tremble with fear. The hive imagery is taken too far, with it cropping up in everything from the dialogue to the bizarre system of paths that join up in a honeycomb shape. We don't need to be bludgeoned by it to realise it's there. We get that the whole place is one big hive with Sister Summersisle the queen bee.

LaBute's screenplay isn't a patch on the original, as he feels the need to signpost everything even though most people will know the twist. The islanders aren't portrayed as odd or unearthly, just downright evil from the get-go. While I'm all for films that have a majority female cast, I also want women to be presented in a positive and/or realistic light. What a shame then that so many of them were involved in a movie where the fairer sex are depicted as duplicitous, deceitful, conniving liars who ensnare men and use them as either sperm banks or beasts of burden. You pretty much get the measure of the residents of Summersisle when Malus first turns up and encounters three cackling crones accompanying a squirming, bleeding sackcloth package up a hill. Though the abiding motif for the movie may be that of the bee hive, the women are portrayed more as black widow spiders or praying mantises. This is especially true in a superfluous final scene that has two women hunting their prey, suggesting that a sequel is in the offing.

The characterisation throughout is laughable, lacking all the subtleties of the original. LaBute really doesn't know who Malus is and that carries through into the script. He vacillates from being a good guy capable of feats of derring-do, to a belligerent paranoiac hooked on pills and subject to violent hallucinations. This means it's very hard to empathise with him and you really don't care what happens to him. The character lacks the religious convictions of the original film, which robs it of the necessary clash of ideologies. So instead of railing against the islanders' way of life, he is having a go at their gender. It's telling that Malus' last words to them are "You bitches!" even though men are complicit in their conspiracy. It means there is no real reason why he of all people should have been lured to the island or what would have persuaded him to go. What's the point of martyring a man with no faith? That's what makes it murder. Suggestions that an earlier tragedy with a supernatural dimension made him don't hold up because they're never followed through. The women in the movie are either strumpets, ball-breakers or doe-eyed back-stabbers and never rise above plot device status. The dialogue is similarly disappointing, relying too heavily on uncomfortable silences rather than words, which are meaningless without context.

Nicolas Cage is dreadful as Edward Malus. It's hard to believe he once won an Oscar. It's as though he's taken a grab bag of emotions and thrown them at the script. The result is a series of abrupt and seemingly random changes of personality. Hangdog and taciturn one minute, he's shouting belligerently the next or lusting after his lost love. It just doesn't make sense and his handling of the dialogue is suspect - nine times out of ten he opts for badgering the person he's talking to. Consequently, you won't give a damn about him.

The majority of the cast lack commitment to the project, playing their parts like panto villains. Ellen Burstyn is all at sea as Sister Summersisle - there's nothing for her to build on. So she goes for either vague amusement or regal confidence. They aren't bad choices, but when it gets to running pagan festivals, you can tell she's more amused by it than everyone else. As Edward's paramour Willow, Kate Beahan does teary-eyed pouting and wide-eyed wistfulness. So it suits the character but she doesn't think beyond the confines of the movie, so she doesn't seem real. A few years ago, Leelee Sobieski was being touted as the next big thing, but it doesn't bode well that she's still playing ingénue roles like the conniving tease Honey. It's a frustrating bit-part that doesn't really go anywhere, leaving the actress without purpose.

Horror composer Angelo Badalamenti wheels out the same tired old tricks for his score. I hesitate to call it "original music" because it is anything but. We are subjected to predictable spooky strings and discordant brass on a regular basis. In fact the whole film is smothered in foreboding cello motifs. It's an overly serious treatment that quickly loses its ability to frighten because it is so prevalent.

"The Wicker Man" is yet another pointless remake of a highly regarded classic that no-one either wanted or needed. LaBute's take on it does nothing to challenge his reputation as a misogynist and his portrayal of women borders on the offensive. The central conspiracy is far-fetched and overly convoluted, so you'll stop caring after about the first ten minutes. The performances throughout are laboured and one-dimensional. The result is an entirely joyless hundred and two minutes that fails to be scary or even intriguing. It's best avoided unless you want a reason to hate Nicolas Cage. 

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