Nobody told me I’d have to sit still for three hours when I went to see Titanic. The only other films that long that I actually enjoyed were Schindlers List and Lord Of The Rings. What made Titanic so special that it thought it could waste everyone’s time like that? Yes it may be considered a classic now, and yes I may be tempting fate by criticising it but I’m going to do it anyway. The fact that it is the highest grossing film of all time is neither here nor there, it only made so much because smitten teenage girls went to see it fifteen times. The makers of Titanic proved two things 1: Hollywood can’t tell a story like it happened and 2: Talent is secondary to looks. It wouldn’t have been such an insult if the true story was told, but out of a million dollar budget, one of the best stories ever and a competent director all we got were lies and a pathetic love story between two talent less actors.

1. All the English are either snobs for the upper classes or cockneys for the lower classes.
2. A lower class passenger such as Jack would never have been able to get near a first class passenger such as Rose.
3. One American passenger says “Bloody English doing everything by the book”.
4. A plucky Irish passenger screams at the Crew behind the gate “Let us through you Limey bastard there are women and children down here!”
5. The Steerage passengers were never locked behind gates in the hold, and many First Class passengers gave up their lifeboat seats for them.
6. The Ships captain Smith is portrayed as a bungling coward, contradicting eyewitness reports of his behaviour that night.
7. First Officer William Murdoch is shown accepting bribes and shooting passengers and then himself. Not only did this never happen, he was a hero who went down with the ship and gave his life jacket to a passenger.
8. There are 136 mistakes in the film, ranging from historical inaccuracies to editing mistakes.

The Cast:
Leonardo DiCaprio- Jack Dawson
Kate Winslet- Rose DeWitt Bukater
Billy Zane- Cal Hockley
Kathy Bates- Molly Brown
Bill Paxton- Brock Lovett
Gloria Stuart- Old Rose

James Cameron, Director: She can’t, I wrote this, I’m trying to make a point about social class.

Director: Oh it won’t sink for a long time, I’m trying to make you care about the two fictional lovebirds.

Ok now for the serious part so you don’t accuse me of ranting.

Production values are excellent but let down by historical flaws and the fact that you can often see the film crew reflected in mirrors. The passengers are caricatures and belong in a spoof rather than a serious drama that relies heavily on the believability of its characters. Roses mother in particular is a good actress, but her part is heavily laboured stereotyping and is written by the Director who has a typical American view of the English.

If I had made the movie I would have copied Pulp Fiction and had lots of little stories following various passengers and their ensuing struggle for survival. Overall the film is killed stone dead by sloppy handling of promising material and an embarrassing fictional love story which is unnecessary when so many other tragic sub plots could have been told. This is entertainment when it should at least be accurate, so I give it one star. There is no aspect that redeems the mawkishness of it. I rate the film badly as it misses opportunities and makes melodrama out of a real catastrophe. So there may be the odd good moment? So what, it’s the film as a whole that counts and altogether it was insultingly bad.