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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (DVD)

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (DVD)

Quote-start

"You're so dead, you don't even know it."

Quote-end

4 Nov 19th, 2003 

73 Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful

Advantages:
Gory, gutsy, nasty film

Disadvantages:
Chainsaws are so eighties

Recommendable Yes:

Detailed rating:

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VenomBurger

VenomBurger

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Drifting in and out from time to time. Thanks to anyone who reads and rates one of my reviews. I'll ...

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Cult films are so not a good place to go. Adored by millions and detested by millions more, these are the things that endless pub debates are made of. Tobe Hooper’s original version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is generally considered to be a fine example of how to make a good horror movie and it has to be said that in its day, the film was shocking, innovative and genuinely quite horrific. But times move on, and thirty years later it’s time to stand back and let somebody else have a go.

Whilst driving through the acrid heat of the Texan desert, five high-spirited teenagers find themselves in the middle of a nightmare. As their truck emerges from a cloud of wind-swept sand, they narrowly miss a teenage girl, stumbling along the track in a dazed and erratic fashion. Unable to just leave her where they found her, they give the young girl shelter in the back of the track, but her initial distress soon turns to hysteria when she suspects that they are going the wrong way. To their absolute horror, she pulls a concealed handgun from her person, places the barrel in her mouth and blows their world apart.

In the baking Arizona sun, with the body of a young woman in the back of their truck, the teenagers have no choice but to try and find a policeman to whom they can report the crime. Their initial search is fruitless, but a local shopkeeper manages to raise the sheriff on the telephone and arranges a meeting. When the sheriff doesn’t show up, the party splits – two of the group walk off to try and find a telephone, whilst the other three stay with the truck. Whilst their three friends wait with the truck, the pair of explorers stumbles across a farmhouse, and try to make contact with the inhabitants to see if they have a telephone. There’s an old adage that says air that smells bad tastes bad - and this place stinks in a way that they could never have imagined in their worst nightmares. Ever get the feeling that somebody is watching you?

I liked this movie. I liked this movie a lot. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (hereto known as TCM) heralds a return to old school horror movie making. Let’s be clear about this, TCM is so not a nice film to go and watch. This picture crawls all over your skin. It invades the privacy of your eardrums and it fills every pore with dirty, sweaty dread. TCM 2003 takes the premise of the original movie and that mixes it up big time. There are as many similarities as there are differences, but the most important thing is that it feels like a whole new movie. I loved the retrospective touches – the way in which the original introductory narrative is repeated and then overlaid with a new, real-time re-telling of the story. I loved the fondness that this film clearly has for the old one but I also loved the way that the films’ makers dared to be different. Where TCM 1973 was hot and claustrophobic, TCM 2003 is dirty, suffocating and downright nasty.

The primary difference between these two movies is the bad guy. Leatherface, the mad guy with the chainsaw, has become one of the greatest horror film nemeses of our time. In TCM 2003 he looks nastier and more frightening than he ever has before, and yet this time, the writers seem to have opted to try and make him into something more than just a power-tool wielding maniac. In TCM 2003, Leatherface has issues and whilst you might not be completely convinced that they would be enough to motivate the beast you see slicing and dicing, you can’t help but marvel at the modern day obsession with trying to explain everything. In the original movie, Leatherface was motivated purely by the cannibalistic instinct that he shared with his family. Whilst it’s not terribly nice to beat someone’s brains in with a mallet, it’s a quick enough death and makes no distinction between man and cattle. In TCM 2003, things take a whole new direction. The modern-day Leatherface is clearly deranged and obviously enjoys ritual murder, torture and mutilation. He doesn’t seem motivated by flesh anymore – now it’s all about skin…..

The murders in TCM 2003 are (if you’ll pardon the oxymoron) pretty horrific and downright realistic. The director clearly has a dislike for blonde male former models, because Mike Vogel’s character has by far the hardest time of them all. Vogel’s casual amputation, followed by brutal cauterisation was enough to drive some audience members out of the cinema and I was almost tempted myself. But there is value in watching films like this, if only from a purely educational point of view. Why, even now I can quite vividly recall what I would NOT want to do were I suspended above a piano with one leg missing and a meat hook plunged deep into my lower spine. That and the fact that there was something strangely erotic about this pretty young man being gradually sliced and spliced.

Anyone who thinks this movie lacks style, sucks. It’s official. TCM 2003’s director has embellished the original legend with little touches that lift the whole thing way clear of mediocrity. In one sequence, Leatherface’s loopy father summons the boy in an almost mythical manner and whilst the film is certainly not devoid of cliché, there are times when the table is turned. It is a moment of sheer genius to suggest that whilst the victims’ cars might not start and their cellphones might be dead, in this world, the serial killer’s weapon of choice might just stall as well. There’s a whole new supporting cast too of grotesque extremities of every kind of human nature imaginable. But perhaps the most satisfying fact of all is that our heroine actually has some guts. She might run around and scream a lot, but man she has got it in for that sheriff!

Whilst there is much to like, there is still plenty not to like. The chainsaw still looks as unwieldy as it ever did and you do find yourself asking why this skin-masked behemoth is running around the farmyard with such a device when a shotgun would probably do. Wheels seem to fall off vans for no reason, and as one dysfunctional member of the family appears after another you do find yourself starting to get a bit bored. The whole premise starts to become a little tired too. Are we really supposed to believe that such a miscreant could evade the clutches of the FBI for so long?

But ultimately, who gives a shit? TCM 2003 looks and feels fantastic. The special effects are bloody, distasteful and totally appropriate. The cast fits beautifully and Leatherface is so, well, loopy that you can’t help but love him. The whole cinematic experience was uncomfortable from start to finish and let’s face it, that’s what it’s all about.

Great movie, great fun, great tits.
 

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Comments about this review »

Zoe 11.12.2003 17:26

Great review and as for the sly dumb and dumber reference 'i like it, it like it a lot'

DarkDave 09.12.2003 22:50

I didn't go much on this, much preferred the original. Was expecting the remake to be much more shocking...or maybe I'm just de-sensitised to movie-violence like so many of my kind in the 'Playstation generation' I really enjoyed your op though. Dave

Plymyphil 26.11.2003 19:00

Thanks for the op. - really helpful - Phil

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