The remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds American football and prison movie transfers the action from the US to Britain, the Reynolds role going to our very own homegrown foottie nutter, Vinnie Jones.
I’ve never sent the original (called “The Longest Yard” in the US) so can’t ... Read review
From the producer of Lock, Stock and Snatch comes Mean Machine, 90 minutes (plus injury ... more
time) of no holds, adrenaline-fuelled soccer action! Vinnie Jones is Danny Meehan, a football superstar who had it all; the money, the fast cars and the super model girlfriend. But now he's all washed up and when he's put inside for punching a cop things go from bad to worse. The football mad commissioner organises a one-off-game - the wardens against the inmates - and he's got to turn a bunch of out-of-shape reprobates into a winning team. If he loses he'll face the wrath of the cons. If he wins it's goodbye to his parole. But one thing's for sure - it'll be one hell of a match!
Vehicle Art Print: A stunning print of a motor-cycle using x-ray photography, allowing ... more
the viewer to see a lot more detail under the faring, including the engine and suspension. A very cool image and one that would look fantastic on your wall.
Postage & Packaging:free Super Saver Delivery Availability:Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
Inside for 3 years outside for 90 minutes. From the producer of Snatch comes this ... more
rousing rough-and-tumble story that shows spirit and heart can exist in the most unlikely places... and in the most unlikely men. Ex-soccer star Danny Meehan (Vinnie Jones) was sitting on top of the world... until a sports fixing scam ruined his career and an assault charge landed him jail. When the prison's soccer-crazed warden (David Hemmings) asks Danny to coach the guard's soccer team Danny counters with another idea: a match between the guards and the convicts. For the inmates it's the dream of a lifetime: a dirty no-holds barred chance to face the malicious guards. But first Danny must turn a group of murderers thieves and madmen into something unthinkable: a team. Based on the film classic The Longest Yard Mean Machine scores with its lineup of gritty action colorful characters and hilarious comedy.
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Mean MachineFrom the Producer of Lock, Stock and Snatch comes MEAN MACHINE, 90 minutes ... more
(plus injury time) of no holds barred, adrenaline-fuelled soccer action!Vinnie Jones is Danny Meehan, a football superstar who had it all: the money, the fast cars and the super model girlfriend. But now he's all washed up and when he's put inside for punching a cop things go from bad to worse. The football mad commissioner organises a one-off game - the wardens against the inmates - and he's got to turn a bunch of out-of-shape reprobates into a winning team.If he loses he'll face the wrath of the cons. If he wins it's goodbye to his parole. But one thing's for sure - it'll be one hell of a match.The Longest YardIn this rough-and-tumble yarn, actually filmed on-location at the Georgia State Prison, the cons are the heroes and the guards are the heavies. Eddie Albert is the sadistic warden who'll gladly make any sacrifice to push his gaurds' semi-pro football team to a national championship.Reynolds plays one time pro quarterback Paul Crewe, now behind bars for leading State Police on a wild chase in a borrowed car. He agrees to organise a prisoners' team to play the guards. The warden intercedes to assure that his goon squad will meet only passive resistance from Crewe's Mean Machine. But the license to pound their hated guards is a big incentive for murderers and thieves to learn strategy.
Comedy - Director: Gareth Carrivick - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Kathryn Drysdale, Sheridan Smith, Natalie Casey, Will Mellor, Ralf Little
Comedy - Director: Richard Boden, Mandie Fletcher, Martin Shardlow - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Hugh Laurie, Miranda Richardson, Stephen Fry, Brian Blessed, Tim McInnerny, Tony Robinson, Rowan Atkinson
Comedy - Original Language: English - Classification: 12 years and over - Starring: Tessa Peake-Jones, Buster Merryfield, David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst
Advantages: Vinnie Jones, passes the time Disadvantages: nothing essentially wrong with it, it's just a 3 star movie s'all
The remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds American football and prison movie transfers the action from the US to Britain, the Reynolds role going to our very own homegrown foottie nutter, Vinnie Jones.
I’ve never sent the original (called “The Longest Yard” in the US) so can’t make any comparisons, but that doesn’t really matter as Vinnie’s movie although a million miles away from art is essentially entertaining ... ...and brutality.
The movie begins with perhaps the most audacious piece of product placement, before a very economical title sequence introduces us to Vinnie Jones as disgraced ex-England football captain Danny Meehan and before you can say “You’re nicked sunshine”, he’s in prison convicted of drunk driving and assaulting a police-officer.
Danny’s reception in prison is far from friendly because ... more
The remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds American football and prison movie transfers the action from the US to Britain, the Reynolds role going to our very own homegrown foottie nutter, Vinnie Jones.
I’ve never sent the original (called “The Longest Yard” in the US) so can’t make any comparisons, but that doesn’t really matter as Vinnie’s movie although a million miles away from art is essentially entertaining even if it does for the most part resemble a feature length episode of “Porridge” with added strong language and brutality.
The movie begins with perhaps the most audacious piece of product placement, before a very economical title sequence introduces us to Vinnie Jones as disgraced ex-England football captain Danny Meehan and before you can say “You’re nicked sunshine”, he’s in prison convicted of drunk driving and assaulting a police-officer.
Danny’s reception in prison is far from friendly because you see he is a disgraced ex-England football captain for a very good reason; he rigged an international match by conceding a 71st minute penalty…to Germany! Double disgrace in the eyes of all the cons in the prison.
His problems are further complicated when the prison governor (David Hemmings) asks him to coach the prison officers football team, this suggestion not going down at all well with the head guard (Ralph “Camberwell Carrot” Brown), as he is the current coach. Finding himself stuck between a rock and a hard nut, Danny comes up with the ingenious solution of offering to coach a team of cons who the guards can then practice against.
This idea goes down well with all parties, however he now has to set about gaining the trust and respect of the prisoners if he is to form his team…
Can Danny form his team, and if he can, can they beat the guards?
You need to ask?!?
No, originality is not this movies strong point, it has all the big prison clichés and then some, the time-served old boy who was put in with the bricks, the psycho jock, the mad Scouser, the brutal guards, the corrupt governor, and so on.
Never matter tho, as I said it doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a way of passing 90 minutes sitting in the dark eating popcorn and in that respect it works.
The build up to the football match (oh come on, you must have known!) is entertaining enough but the football match itself is the standout piece. It works very well and filmed/edited with such precision that you would think you were watching a genuine foottie match. Some folk in the cinema were even applauding when the inevitable goals went in.
Acting wise, it’s mostly the old by numbers routine, not much call for Oscar worthy performances. The two best performances were from David Kelly as the old lag “Doc” and Vinnie Jones. Mr Jones acting ability is always the matter of some debate but I’m firmly of the opinion that the boy can act. His performance bestrode “Lock Stock…” like a colossus but it could be said he was only playing himself. In “Mean Machine” he is required to do a wider range of emotions and by jingo I believe he pulls it off. He even manages to give a poor little rich kid speech which makes you feel genuinely sorry for him.
The soundtrack is the standard “Trainspotting”-style compilation of cool pop hits and anonymous dance tracks, with a little bit of classical music for good measure.
Uhm, and that’s it, sorry if the op is a little short but it’s not really a movie that you can write very much about!
Movie has a “15” certificate. Strong language, brutal violence, including an especially brutal boxing match, no sex worth mentioning.
Advantages: Feel-good film that has plenty of laughs and plenty of action Disadvantages: Seen the original? Then you've as good as seen this.
...admit that I am. Not the bald, poncey, overweight washed-up has-been of today, but the funny, sometime action-man of the 70s and early 80s. Reynolds was a very good actor and a huge star, appearing in classic action comedies like Smokey And The Bandit, Hooper, and one of my all-time faves, The Cannonball Run. One of his 70s films, known in America as The Longest Yard (more on that name later) was set in a prison a la Cool Hand Luke. The film saw ... ...a game, went off the rails, landed in jail, and formed a football team to take on the guards’ team at the “behest” of the corrupt governor. A superb film this, with Reynolds at his best, and some great sports action and character interaction directed with some aplomb by Robert Aldrich. So, when it was decided that a British remake of this classic was in order, who do you think was cast in the Burt Reynolds role? Somebody sporty was required, who ...
superpricee 16.01.2002
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of The Mean Machine (DVD)
Advantages: Funny Disadvantages: Not as good as Snatch or LS&2SB
...Films had unbelievable success with the two Guy Richie films, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, but decided to make the break from London gangsterland with their next film, Mean Machine. Well, in a sense you could say they continued to indulge their fascination with the dirtier side of life because they exchanged life in gangland on the streets of the Smoke for life in gangland in the nick, but it was a pretty big step away.
Many of ... ...Mean Machine, loosely based on the Burt Reynolds original of the same name, was just a pale and shallow imitation of the previous Ska efforts. It takes the same jokey approach to life with its acid wit and sharply observed humour woven in and out of a racy storyline, but there's none of the multiple intermingled plots this time and you've just got quite a predictable tale of a hero gone bad, turned good guy, bought out again and then finally coming ...
dave27 25.01.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of The Mean Machine (DVD)
Advantages: funny second half to the film Disadvantages: some over acting in places
...have not been about football. The sporting themed movies I have enjoyed have been mostly about American sports and included Slapshot and Major League, both primarily because they were funny and played on the extremes of American sporting culture, also Slapshot was set in the 70’s so you could also have a giggle at the clothes.
Mean Machine is a remake of another American film The Longest Yard and unfortunately does not come up to scratch when compared ... ...same with Mean Machine centring the action in an English jail with football the theme rather than it’s much harder to understand American counterpart of American Football a sport which seems to involve huge big Americans covered in padding wearing helmets and spending a couple of minutes at a time on the pitch while the majority of the team have a break.
Star of the film is one Mr Vincent Jones, or Vinnie to his mates, and the rest of the world, ...
atticusuk 20.05.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of The Mean Machine (DVD)
Advantages: See text of opinion Disadvantages: See text of opinion
...I’ve been a fan of the Jones boy ever since his playing days, and thought he played good (if somewhat limited) roles in some of his early movies such as Guy Ritchie’s “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” So when I spotted this newcomer on the DVD shelves of my local video store, it was snatched up immediately, and a good evening’s entertainment was envisaged.
To say that I didn’t enjoy the movie would be an overstatement, ... ...another Burt Reynold’s movie from the USA called “The Longest Yard” (1974) which was actually released on this side of the water as (wait for it!) “The Mean Machine”.
In that film Reynolds played an all-American football star, (American footy) who finds himself locked up in the State Penitentiary. The ambitious Governor has great plans for his own football team comprising of the guards, and pressure is put on Reynolds ...
the_mad_cabbie 11.07.2002
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of The Mean Machine (DVD)
...means nothing inside except attracting the wrong attentions,and 'inside' the rules are made for and by the 'guards', but of course nothing is impossible and the infallible hero makes it his business to make the best of a really horrible situation.
At the very beginning we watch Danny Meehan (Vinnie) disgraced ex-Enland speeding hell for leather down the highway already drunk and swigging some more from a bottle whilst at the wheel of his designer ... ...drink, not too ’appy with the unwelcome offer of arrest Meehan assaults both police officers before being bundled in the back of the police van.
Unhappy, sober and newly housed at the government’s expense Meehan faces the harsh realities of prison life awash with its complex collection of characters and unforseen problems.He is immediately introduced to the powers that be and what to expect within the walls that were his new home. He ...
whitewiner 04.01.2002 (05.01.2002)
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of The Mean Machine (DVD)
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Advantages: Entertaining throughout Disadvantages: Nothing special
make you chuckle. I was impressed with the direction of David Skolnick, and felt that the film just kept going. It didn't drag at all and was entertaining thoughout.
However, I can see it easily being a bit boring for those who aren't really up to speed or interested in football, as a lot of the focus towards the end of the film features the sport. Don't let this put you off , though - it's an entertaining film from start to finish, and while it may not actually be particularly special, it's a lot better than some of the tripe I've seen lately. The DVD copy I have doesn't have any extras, but I'm not particularly fussed about that, and nor are most people going to be, I imagine. MeanMachine is currently available from amazon.co.uk for around the £3 mark, though be careful to not confuse it with the US original of the same name. ...
Advantages: Great actors, good story, nice sound track. Disadvantages: none
MeanMachines ? Not your usual suspects.
MeanMachines was released in 2001 and is on TV quite a lot. It was shown a few weeks ago on Film4 so I thought I?d do a quick review as it is also a brilliant film and one of my favourites. Being a big football fan I instantly liked the plot and the fact Vinnie Jones was starred in it. I was a fan of Vinnie as a footballer and thought he played his role well in this. I don?t really like sitting down and watching a lot of films and my partner always wants to so this is the only kind of film you would see me watching. The film consists of a great cast and a good director who has only directed this film which was successful. Although the main theme is about football there are many other sub plots to attract others such as comedy, friendship and morals. MeanMachines is a comedy adapted ...
Advantages: Can be funny and good when there's nothing else on Disadvantages: Most would probably find it to be a joke
Don't you just love it when a movie on television just reaches out and grabs you, compelling you to watch the remaining two hours. Well maybe MeanMachine didn't exactly grab me as I saw it in the Channel 4 line-up, but with nothing else to really watch you can't argue with a Sunday night movie. Of course my experiences with Ch4 movies haven't been great, I seem to remember the last one I watched was Cabin Fever, one of my most hated movies of all time, so how did MeanMachine fair at filling in that gap in the schedule between 10pm and midnight?
I literally knew nothing about MeanMachine, I'm pretty sure it is a film title I have heard of in passing but it wasn't until my dad piped up about not liking this as a remake that I finally clicked that I wasn't watching an original. My bad. MeanMachine is said to be a 2001 remake ...
In Robert Aldrich's crowd-pleasing classic, Burt Reynolds stars as convict Paul Crewe, a former football player doing time in a prison controlled by two authoritarian sports fanatics, warden Hazen (Eddie Albert) and captain Knauer (Ed Lauter). When Crewe sees that the guards have a top-notch football team, he takes it upon himself to form a squad with his fellow dispirited inmates. As the prisoners come together, galvanized by the chance to challenge the guards, they begin to experience a sense of purpose and solidarity--and Hazen doesn't like it. With the Penitentiary Bowl approaching, Hazen pressures Crewe to throw the big game. Crewe must choose between his own freedom and supporting the newfound dignity of his convict teammates. Aldrich brings to THE LONGEST YARD the same humor-spiked, antihero-driven feel for rousing adventure shown in THE DIRTY DOZEN and creates a film that matches gridiron favorites NORTH DALLAS FORTY and SEMI-TOUGH while also comparing to classics such as ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, STALAG 17, and THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION that reveal the soul-crushing aspects of life under lock and key. Like the latter films, Aldrich's darkly funny, bone-crunching drama succeeds most enduringly by showing the small, barbed, fiercely beautiful refusal of the spirit to surrender.
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