<<<<< CAST: Mike Myers, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Spencer Breslin, Dakota Fanning, Sean Hayes, Danielle Chuchrun, Taylor Rice, Brittany Oaks, Talia Lynn-Prarie, Dan Castellaneta, Victor Brandt, Daran Norris, Bugsy, Frank Welker, Clint Howard, Paige Hurd, Steven Anthony Lawrence, Candace Brown, Stephen Hibbert, Peter Morrisey, Paris Hilton. >>>>>

I know many of you have been anticipating and patiently waiting for another film review from me, so here is the first one after almost a month’s absence…not counting my last one on the Academy Awards of course. So, for tonight I will be reviewing a film that only can be labeled as a disappointment. I’m sure many people (most notably kids) will be wanting to see this film on April 2nd, its UK release day, though I would advise parents to look for something better to do…unless you’re a fan of Mike Myers of course. Personally, I’m a fan of Mike Myers and this marks as the first film he has made that I didn’t like him in. For those of you that don’t know, the production team behind this film is from the same group that made DR. SUESS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS three years ago, with Jim Carrey doing a superb job in the title role and giving a wondrous treatment by director Ron Howard, who passed up this followup to direct THE MISSING with Tommy Lee Jones and Cate Blanchett. All I can say is that he made a wise choice.

<<<<< Ferocious Feline Comes To The “Aid” Of Two Joyless Kids >>>>>

After Mrs. Kwan falls off to sleep (and manages to snore like a grizzly bear with a sinus condition in the process), Conrad and Sally are visited by The Cat in the Hat, who first comes across as frightening to the youngsters, but soon becomes a figure of fun that is determined to cheer the kids up. The Cat constantly spawns one liners, in typical Mike Myers-style, and appears and disappears with amazing suddenness. After stressing to the kids that they need to cheer up and have a great day full of sunshine and whimsy, The Cat soon becomes a bad influence…making them jump on the couches, making purple cupcakes that explode all over the walls, bringing on two weird little beings called Thing One and Thing Two who only make things worse, and soon the house becomes the “mother of all messes” when The Cat’s world begins to collide with the real world. Will the kids be able to fix the house before their mother gets back and sends Conrad off to military school? The answer is as obvious as this film is; believe me folks.

I’ve been a Mike Myers fan ever since I saw WAYNE’S WORLD back in 1992. Granted, I’ve never seen any of his work on Saturday Night Live, though I like the AUSTIN POWERS films, and he did ingenious voice work on the movie SHREK. However, I thought he was never more funny and ingratiating than he was in SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER, a surprisingly entertaining and amusing comedy from 1993. So, the truth is that this first film that I thought his talent was virtually squandered. His vulgar interpretation of Dr. Seuss’ beloved character is really put to the test in terms of the audience’s patience. He was funny at times, but not enough, and after awhile I got sick and tired of his laughing and loud quips.
The producers originally went to Tim Allen and offered the role to him, and for some reason I think he would have done a much better job…though even he had the good sense to turn the offer down after reading the script. His costume is indeed impressive, though it doesn’t hold your attention for very long. If you want to know, Myers was fitted with a garb that was a combination of Angora and human hair, and even fitted with a built-in cooling system. However, it’s evident that the costume does more for him than he does for it. I must say that the film started going downhill after The Cat’s arrival, which should give you a clue to what Myers performance is like, which I thought was completely unmemorable.

<<<<< A Cat That Is Crude and Grotesque In The Extreme >>>>>

If this was an average Mike Myers movie, it probably would have worked better, though we will never know. I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that The Cat occasionally intends to say foul language at times, though stops short before finishing. This was a device that worked for previous films like THE LION KING, but not for this one. Like I said before, soon after Myers appears, the film just goes downhill from there to utter and complete disaster, not even saved by Alex McDowell’s colorful production design and Alec Hammond’s and Sean Haworth’s wondrous art decoration. Producer Brian Grazer and his Imagine Entertainment team were obviously trying to fashion another GRINCH-like movie with an amusing comic actor, but director Bo Welch and the screenwriters (three guys not even worth mentioning) turn Dr. Seuss’ original story into a headache-inducing acid trip for the kiddies. Seriously, not even Mary Poppins could have saved this film…and, you know what, just when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse, Paris Hilton shows up in a cameo. I’ll be honest when I say I almost turned off the DVD when she showed up; if you don’t know who she is, don’t even bother asking!

Hey, you don’t have to listen to me, but your kids really deserve better than this burned cupcake with sour frosting. The biggest disappointment I got out of this film was the wasting of Myers’ comic talents, though I was just more upset at the fact the filmmakers couldn’t stay faithful to the simple, sweet source material and just think about how to keep parents in the theater with their kids more. This is my one and only warning to you all. THE CAT IN THE HAT is very unwisely rated PG for crude humor and lewd double entendres. Opens in Theaters on April 2nd at theaters nationwide…also be warned of the shameless plugs at the local Burger King, lol. This will be the first in a series of new film reviews, so I hope you look forward to them. Thanks for reading, and take care all! Chris xxxxx

<<<<< Final Notice >>>>>