‘The Calcium Kid’ falls into that genre so memorably perfected by ‘This is Spinal Tap’ and affectionately called the mockumentary. Since ‘Tap’ however the mockumentary has been languishing in the doldrums of cinema, only occasionally given a breath of life by Guest, McKean and Shearer’s other attempts at the spoof doc ‘Best in Show’ and ‘A Mighty Wind’. Unfortunately nothing has managed to repeat the sheer hilarity and brilliance of ‘Tap’ and despite Writer/Director Alex De Rakoff’s best efforts ‘The Calcium Kid’ doesn’t even come close.

The story itself though predictable isn’t bad. Jimmy’s highs and lows are gently played out with some appealing characters to help keep our interest. The main problem with the script is that it’s just not very funny. That’s not to say there is nothing of merit here, there are moments which will make you smile usually provided by Jimmy’s prostitute mother (the wonderful Ronni Ancona) or angry best friend Stan (played by Timothy Spall’s son Rafe) and I even laughed once or twice. What’s lacking are the big laughs, the memorable lines and set pieces, the film instead being happy to amble along in second gear throughout. Strange then that the gentleness of the comedy is so sharply juxtaposed with a lot of strong swear words which incongruously pop up and earned this film an R rating in the States. I should also warn you that the sight (and sounds) of Orlando Bloom masturbating under his duvet are vastly unpleasant and will shatter any girlish illusions that Legolas has his plastic pants welded on like Action Man.

As a perfectly pleasant way to spend a couple of hours there are worse things you could do than watch ‘The Calcium Kid’. I doubt many people will actually hate the film, as it would struggle to inspire such a strong feeling. It’s a shame as there is potential here, but any glimmer of real quality is masked by the mediocre script, poor production values and some unfortunate decisions by the director. Mark Heap (the incomparable Brian in ‘Spaced’) as the documentarian Sebastian Gore-Brown is terribly underused. A great shame when his character had the scope to imbue some real humour into mix if only he’d been afforded the kind of dry, mocking narration we got from Rob Reiner in Tap or even Chris Langham’s Roy Mallard in ‘People Like Us’. The disappointing end of ‘The Calcium Kid’ perfectly sums the film up we’re robbed of a climactic fight scene because they obviously couldn’t afford to stage it, instead you’ll have to put up with cameos from Frank Bruno and Chris Eubank. Second-rate, British comedy strikes again (thank god for Shaun of the Dead).