The 13th Warrior (DVD)

...it finally made it onto the cinema screens after Disney ummed and ahhhed about what precisely they should do with it, eventually throwing it onto the screens at the end of August - i.e. at the worst possible time. Consequently it didn't do very well, any interest in it having waned long before its release and its poor timing damning it to such a naff performance. A few months later it skulked onto video with even less ceremony and then disappeared ...
...to see this happen when the movie isn't half bad and even more shameful when the fantasy/medieval genre is so lacking in decent movies.

Admittedly its production didn’t exactly run smoothly. McTiernan was commissioned to bring forth a movie adaptation of Crichton’s novel until somewhere along the line personalities clashed and McTiernan disappeared leaving Crichton himself to finish the movie off himself. Muchos editing later and ... more

John McTiernan’s adaptation of a Michael Crichton novel is a movie which you many of those reading this will not have heard of due to an incredibly poor handling of it by Disney. It was 18 months after it was made that it finally made it onto the cinema screens after Disney ummed and ahhhed about what precisely they should do with it, eventually throwing it onto the screens at the end of August - i.e. at the worst possible time. Consequently it didn't do very well, any interest in it having waned long before its release and its poor timing damning it to such a naff performance. A few months later it skulked onto video with even less ceremony and then disappeared without leaving any kind of mark on the movie scene. Its a shame to see this happen when the movie isn't half bad and even more shameful when the fantasy/medieval genre is so lacking in decent movies.

Admittedly its production didn’t exactly run smoothly. McTiernan was commissioned to bring forth a movie adaptation of Crichton’s novel until somewhere along the line personalities clashed and McTiernan disappeared leaving Crichton himself to finish the movie off himself. Muchos editing later and Disney gets left with a movie which is doesn’t really know what to do with because it isn’t that sure if its any good or not. Naturally when it is released most critics have already sharpened their pens ready to draw blood because of the off-set problems and immediately tear the movie apart, whilst those who actually watched with an open mind seem to like it. Critics suck more and more every day...

Crichton's novel Eaters of the Dead, upon which this movie is based, is a deconstruction of the Beowulf myth which dates back to some 3000 years ago in Scandinavian history. Apart from being one of the more interesting texts you might come across in studying high school English it is also a story which tells the tale of a young man who is summoned to help rid the land of a beast known as Grendel. Upon slaughtering the beast, said young man then leads a party into the beast's lair to kill its mother and rid the land once and for all of this evil - a classic good against evil struggle. The 13th Warrior puts it to us that Grendel is not actually just one beast, but in fact a symbol for an army of men who dress as fearsome beasts to strike horror and terror into their foes during their midnight raids. Antonio Banderas plays an Arab Ambassador by the name of "Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan Ibn Al Abbas Ibn Rashid Ibn Hamad"(and thereby winning the award for longest lead character name in movie history) sent to interact with the Vikings to learn their customs and cement relationships between the two races. Unexpectedly however he finds himself part of a team of 13 sent by King Hrothgar to rid the land of a marauding tribe who attack as beasts and leave their victim decapitated and mauled amongst other things which earn them the title of "Eaters of the Dead". The "Grendel" of the poem is replaced by these warriors and Grendel's mother is the female leader of the tribe to which they belong and who orders the attacks. She must be killed if the slaughter is to end...

In terms of plotting its easy to see that this is above average in terms of set up for an action flick, but sadly its doesn't continue in that vein...or perhaps not sadly depending upon your viewpoint. McTiernan is essentially a director of action movies, most famous perhaps for his work on Die Hard 1 and 3 and more recently for the loud and kinetic but ultimately pants Rollerball which hits cinemas in the UK some time soon. Depth isn't a strong point of this movie, two subplots(one political the other romantic) are skimmed over so briefly that you wonder just what they are doing there and ultimately what you really get is a good, but straightforward plot, some lavish and delightful costumes and sets and plenty of exciting sword-play. Think of it as a cross between Conan The Barbarian and Braveheart and you are getting there, but make it Norse and you are getting there.

One thing which is very interesting about this movie is the lack of a central lead character. You might fear that someone like Antonio Banderas does not exactly make a great Viking warrior but that’s not what he's there for. Banderas plays an Arab who is initially disgusted by the uncouth Vikings but comes to respect their ways and eventually to fight alongside them as the 13th Warrior - a powerful allegiance by legend apparently. Banderas is very much an outsider though and throughout the movie he is more a bystander than the strong action hero character which these movies tend to centre upon. There is no Arnie figure he, no John McClane, Stallone etc. but a band of Vikings fighting against a common enemy observed and aided by an Arab who will prove key to their success. In this The 13th Warrior is a very different movie from all those which have come before and this alone makes it worth watching for anyone who is tired of the same old action movie cliché rehashing from Hollywood.

McTiernan doesn't so much try to keep you on the edge of your seat throughout the movie as to lay down a story which isn’t perfect but will keep you interested and concentrate on lavish sets to make you go ooh and ahh and battle sequences to have the most squeamish flinching and the most bloodthirsty whooping it up. Those Vikings are a viscous bunch and they are being mauled by a more viscous bunch who are so nasty as to put fear into their hearts...make up your own mind what the battle sequences look like...then remember the opposition have earned the title "Eaters of the Dead" and delight in decapitating their victims... :o) Of course then realise that this is a production associated with the Disney studios and someone seems to have been a little busy with the editing scissors. All of the battle take place in darkness as well(no floodlights in those days sadly) so sometimes its a little difficult to see what’s going on but it makes it more authentic looking I suppose. It is still very bloodthirsty.

In terms of acting the only name you are going to recognise is Mr. Antonio Banderas who is relatively accomplished and although this probably isn't going to be the kind of role you would associate him with actually does very well. The rest are people I've never heard of with very Scandinavian sounding names and accents so perhaps they do a lot of work in those country's movie and television scenes, although Omar Sharif does make a brief appearance as Banderas' servant. Unknown to most movie watchers or not, each is perfectly cast and does a more than adequate job in portraying a tough, noble warrior race and its good to see Hollywood not filling its cast with pretty faces where pretty faces ought not be for a change, except for Banderas and his presence is adequately explained.

The 13th Warrior is a movie which would have made interesting spectator sport as to how well it was received were Disney to have given it the promotion and timely release that it deserved. The lack of a strong central character and refusal to conform to some of the usual action stereotypes(it still falls foul of others) would have made for interesting reactions from general cinema goers. As it stands I suppose we'll never know unless for some reason it gets a re-release at some later date which is highly unlikely. I have so far been quite praiseworthy of the movie which is a little more than it does deserve. There is quite a bit of evidence that the editors scissors have been working overtime in certain places, enough to render two subplots rather superfluous and the movie has grand ideas and general outlook of an epic, but stays within the running length of your average movie - it feels like there was more to offer. The single major gripe about this movie would be that it is a little on the dumb side despite its origins and interesting plot. Eaters of the Dead was perhaps the least coherent Crichton novel I’ve read and its not too surprising that the movie is a little “huh?” at times as well. Sometimes you have to make an enormous leap of faith to swallow just what the hell is going on - the biggest being the language barrier which suddenly disappears between the Arab and the Vikings. At first Banderas sits on the edge of the fire having no clue what they are saying but after a few nights of listening to them getting drunk, fighting, farting, belching and singing songs about gutting their victims he is suddenly able to hold intelligent conversation and hold a counsel of war...

Looking at some of the critical reviews around the internet its interesting to see how others have rated this movie. It seems that you either love it with a passion or hate it with a vengeance, so contrasting are the opinions that you’d think they released two movies of the same name at the exact same time - one great, one absymal. For every commentator praising it as an “authentic, rousing, exciting, exhilarating thriller”, there is another claiming that its a “hackneyed, hollow, nonsensincal and monumentally boring” waste of 2 hours. Its bizarre that a movie can promote such distinctly opposite reactions but that’s what this movie seems to have achieved. Personally I did enjoy it although there is evidence that a lot of plot got left on the cutting room floor in favour of a faster transition between action sequences - but who cares, its a hell of a lot of fun. If you are looking for a little fantasy swordplay in the Braveheart style or suffering over-much in the lull between this and the next Lord of the Rings movie then this is a movie which just might help satisfy some cravings. Forget what the pros say, I’m telling you its a movie worth checking out if you think you can forgive its shortcomings and rather like the sound of watching two hours of authentic Viking style brutality.  

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