Shelter Island (DVD)

...on the public. Here in Shelter Island it seems that they figured the presence of two 1980’s stars would be enough to float this boat, unfortunately they picked Ally Sheedy (Breakfast Club, Short Circuit), and Patsy Kensit (Emmerdale, Absolute Beginners, Lethal Weapon 2).

Two aging lesbians life a above average life in New York, Louise Delamare (Sheedy) is a motivational speaker encouraging people to seek the strength from within; Alexandria ...
...attacked the couple retreat to Shelter Island for some TLC (Tender Loving Care). But on arrival Lenny (Stephen Baldwin) a passing drifter arrives during a storm and turns their retreat into a nightmare.


I cannot say one good thing about Shelter Island, its story is dreadfully dull and tedious and its “action packed finale” (which it talks about on the box) is something straight out of a child’s playground imagination. This ... more

It seems you can never underestimate the levels of tedium movie producer’s force on the public. Here in Shelter Island it seems that they figured the presence of two 1980’s stars would be enough to float this boat, unfortunately they picked Ally Sheedy (Breakfast Club, Short Circuit), and Patsy Kensit (Emmerdale, Absolute Beginners, Lethal Weapon 2).

Two aging lesbians life a above average life in New York, Louise Delamare (Sheedy) is a motivational speaker encouraging people to seek the strength from within; Alexandria her lover and I guess personal assistant spends her days doing whatever is best for Louise or “Lou” as she is better known. When one day a morning job results in Lou being brutally attacked the couple retreat to Shelter Island for some TLC (Tender Loving Care). But on arrival Lenny (Stephen Baldwin) a passing drifter arrives during a storm and turns their retreat into a nightmare.

I cannot say one good thing about Shelter Island, its story is dreadfully dull and tedious and its “action packed finale” (which it talks about on the box) is something straight out of a child’s playground imagination. This so called ending looks like something thrown together on the spur of the moment (I know what your thinking, like one of my reviews), and even the clearly plotted aspects of the movies final moments are easily predicted from the movies opening 5 minutes.

The movie follows a painfully transparent plot, you understand within minutes of the movies opening what it’s all about. And the cast which include the late Chris Penn are so transparent that you can figure out their individual stories before they have even said anything. Chris Penn nearing the end of his acting life turns out an abysmal performance, and resembles a roasted pig (minus apple); it goes to show the effects drugs have on someone, its painfully obvious that Penn spent much of the film in an “out of it state” his lines are staggered, he stumbles about with his words, he looks a mess, and his eyes are all over the place. And to put the icing on the cake Penn’s character is the Sherriff of Shelter Island so all the issues I mentioned seem to contradict his status, if he were a vagrant then fine, but the sheriff?

Onto Stephen Baldwin and this is a sure-fire indication of why you don’t see him anymore and why the Baldwin brothers are deemed as one of Hollywood’s jokes. Who knows what sort of role Baldwin is trying to play here, its obviously the bad guy (or one of them at least) but like Penn he does not seem to be acting, one minute he is nice and charming, the next he is beating the living hell out of one of them; now while I appreciate this is a suitable scenario for a psychopath when you see the movie you realise that he is actually not one, he is meant to be quite together mentally. The chemistry is all wrong between Baldwin/Sheedy/Kensit which makes things look even more uncomfortable, Baldwin is meant to be charming and tries to seduce both women. The key point is firstly they are lesbians, secondly this guy looks like something you pull out of a council tip, and your telling me he has even the faintest chance of seducing two women for whom money is no object?

Money plays a big part in the movie, for this transparent tale is obviously about money. Its a crime based around a large some of Lou’s money. Top and bottom of the story is how three/four people scheme together to get their hands on Lou’s money.

There is never anything to steal you away from the monotony of this movie, the plot fails, the cast fails, the structural filming is all wrong, and annoyingly there is never anyone around even in the usually crowded New York streets. The film is incredibly cheap and it shows from the offset, even the matching up of film quality seems flawed as if two completely different styles of equipment were used to film this movie. My unusually short (for me) review actually flags up more points than the plot itself entails, and if you have the misfortune to see this, my words might become painfully obvious.

Shelter Island can be found for as little as £1 from Poundland and has absolutely no special features (not even a menu). But even at a £1 I feel as if I have been robbed, luckily useless DVD’s make great Frisbees for my dog. 

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