Shark Attack 3 (DVD)

Shark Attack 3. Gotta love that title. Naturally it's the third film in the Shark Attack franchise (the first, starring Casper Van Dien, was a semi-serious and vaguely respectable Deep Blue Sea fore-runner for TV, the second was straight to video chaff) and is fast becoming something of a DVD cult.

Briefly - a glorified life guard and marine scientist discover that the thought-to-be extinct Megalodon is actually alive and well off ...
...on in the world of Shark Attack 3 (or SA3, as its fans know it). Whilst it's hard to figure out just how serious the film and film-makers are being (several scenes and dialogue exchanges suggest everyone's having an almighty laugh at the viewer's expense), it's the kind of great bad movie that gets a second life on video and DVD. If you can imagine a spoof of Jaws played half seriously and perhaps unintentionally rubbish (so a bit like Jaws 3 and ... more

Shark Attack 3. Gotta love that title. Naturally it's the third film in the Shark Attack franchise (the first, starring Casper Van Dien, was a semi-serious and vaguely respectable Deep Blue Sea fore-runner for TV, the second was straight to video chaff) and is fast becoming something of a DVD cult.

Briefly - a glorified life guard and marine scientist discover that the thought-to-be extinct Megalodon is actually alive and well off the coast of Mexico and is making mince meat of swimmers, lovers, divers and big businessmen alike.

Not that the film is good, mind. It isn't. It's badly shot and edited, the "special" effects are far from it, the acting is awful and the ADR (particularly in the opening scene) is atrocious. Yet there's something strange going on in the world of Shark Attack 3 (or SA3, as its fans know it). Whilst it's hard to figure out just how serious the film and film-makers are being (several scenes and dialogue exchanges suggest everyone's having an almighty laugh at the viewer's expense), it's the kind of great bad movie that gets a second life on video and DVD. If you can imagine a spoof of Jaws played half seriously and perhaps unintentionally rubbish (so a bit like Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge then!), then that kind of illustrates the kind of thing you should expect from SA3 - the kind of film that amazingly morphs into genius with the right audience and the right alcoholic and snacking accompaniements.

The film "stars" John Barrowman (once of the Saturday morning kids show Live & Kicking, now to be seen on stage, judging celebrity dancing on the BBC and shortly in Dr Who spin-off Torchwood) as the "hero" and SA1 alumnus Jenny McShane (though she plays a different character in this) as the marine scientist/Barrowman's love interest, plus a host of low-rent actors more at home on day time soaps and (probably) soft core porn. And the shark. Yes, the shark. No rubbish mechanics here, no siree. Instead we're treated to some shocking CGI (at one point the "Meg" comes up from the depths and swallows a badly animated speed boat whole in one go), laughable blue-screen (replete with rubbish water spray) and frequent hilariously badly mis-matched stock footage. Now, bear in mind a Megalodon should be about 50 foot long, most of the "attack" footage contained within SA3 is nothing more than grainy show reels of real sharks (much smaller and many different species) attacking shoals of fish or seals. So they couldn't even afford a proper attack scene, instead preferring to film actors in very shallow water and throw gobs of dyed corn syrup over them whilst they do their best death acting.

In the absence of any real thrills (or decent acting) the film makers throw in the trusty old Z-grade stand by - soft core nudity and sex scenes. In a clear attempt to get any audience they can, the SA3 crew throw in plenty of boobs and an unfeasible amount of nubile young women, and even treat those who have stuck with the film to a sex scene featuring Barrowman and McShane, a scene preceded by one of the most jaw-dropping chat up lines in cinema history. A chat up line which, sadly, cannot be printed here.

As for the DVD - bare bones as can be. In fact the release I'm reviewing doesn't even contain the "theatrical trailer" the box proudly claims. But the film contained within makes up for all the disc's short-falls - SA3 may well go down in history as a legendary piece of trash cinema (hah! "Cinema" - this thing wouldn't even get a look in at the cheapest grumble theatre) and almost achieved the recent internet buzz which propped up Snakes On A Plane (arguably from a similar school of film-making).

I'm marking some of this as poor, some as mediocre and some a excellent, purely because there really needs to be two marking systems for SA3 - it's shockingly bad but brilliant at the same time. I urge EVERYONE to see this film, preferably with a group of friends on a Friday or Saturday night. And keep telling yourselves - "it's okay to laugh". Really, it is.

See this if you liked - Jaws 3, Jaws: The Revenge, Airplane, any cheap creature feature 

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