If the list of words presented above have made you tittle, giggle or made the corner of your mouth fold oh-so-slightly into a creeping grin, then I think I’ve found the perfect choice of entertainment for you. Yes, your ideal movie is… Citizen Kane! Not really of course, that would be silly. Speaking of which… here is Scary Movie.
Following in the grand footsteps of Airplane!, Repossessed and Candyman 2: farewell To The Flesh, the Wayans brothers (previously seen in such chuckle-morgues as Senseless and Mo’ Money) have slapped together a pastiche of pretty much every teen-horror-slasher movie since Scream, under the hood of the same team responsible for ‘em – Miramax/Dimension Films (owned by Buena Vista, disturbingly enough).
***YER BASIC PLOT*** Think Scream. Then, REMEMBER Scream. This is more or less identical, with the incessant slide into various fields of parody. So, for those Scream virgins amongst you, close your ears now, whilst I recount the plot – killer on loose, girl knows boy, girl thinks boy is killer, killer is not boy, killer kills people, killer meets girl, girl finds out killer and boy are one and the same, but there are really two killers, including boy, killers get killed. Oh boy! Open your ears now, kids. The difference between this and that? Lots of sex and drugs, plus much over-the-topness. * * * * *
Plot really does go out of the window here, however, taking a back seat (hell, taking it wherever it can get it!) to gross-out, tits-out, balls-out (literally), dope-out (even more literally) offensive to everyone comedy. Quite how anything this dodgy can fall under the umbrella of Uncle Walt’s production company, Buena Vista, is beyond me. Oh, wait, that’s right, he was a big old pervert. Maybe there’s hope for the house of mouse yet! Hmm…
Anyhoo, Uncle Walt would be pleased with the amount of flesh on show here. For your hard earned cash, you get some pretty out-there stuff, not least of all the smallest penis in the world, Afro-style pubic hair, and (surely a first), a man being stabbed through the head with an erect penis. Truffaut this ain’t. Any notions of class should be left at your grandma’s
house far, far away, because this is top flight dirt-related gaggery, and all the better for it.
Where it does get a little stale is in its spoofery. Re-watching this now, after a legion of Matrix rip-offs, left me cold during the “homage” to it here. Plus, as Marlon Wayans himself points out in the extras section, and I paraphrase, “Scream took the p*ss out of itself, but didn’t go far enough”. Indeed.
Still, like with any spoof, re-watching can also add layers of goodness. Check out the menu board as the group of protagonists talk in the school canteen. Pay attention to the name of the school during Buffy’s decapitation. And watch right past the end of the credits, for a bonus scene involving Doofy and his beloved vacuum cleaner…
What? More bad points? Okay:
+ There’s a questionable amount of “violence towards women” jokes – cartoony in nature but possibly offensive to some. + Some of the spoof sketches are just SO already done. + Some scenes are drawn out way too long. + Stoner jokes get lame very quickly. + The acting is a bit too serious on occasion, detracting from the humour. + If the best they could think of to mickey-take Blair Witch was snot dripping out of someone’s nose, they shouldn’t have bothered. + They should have got some celebrity cameos. + Soundtrack = rubbish.
The worst part of the DVD experience for your humble reviewer was the unskippable (unless you go straight to the main menu) trailers – they really do suck a$$! If you’re wondering what they were, you’re in luck:
+ Gone in 60 Seconds, which actually looks good from the trailer! + Scream 3 - looks as lame as it apparently is. + Coyote Ugly – the regular trailer has been “sexed up” with more booty and breast shots for the presumably male contingent who saw this movie for Carmen Electra running in the sprinklers (and little else).
Hey! Speaking of DVD features…
***THE EXTRAS***
**Set Up*** Italian and English language/subtitle options, plus subtitles in English for the hearing impaired.
***Sneak Peeks** Why, it’s the trailers you had to sit through before! AGAIN!
**Bonus Materials***
Giving you the chance to look at all of this…
***Theatrical Trailer*** The USA version, which shows way too many of the lame gags and edits the swearing out. Rubbish!
***Behind The Scenes*** Yes folks, it’s studio produced crapness time once more! The Wayans brothers are funny and personable as ever, but the studio hand has been filled with excrement once more, and it’s not afraid of spreading the muck. FAST ZOOM INS, pointless shots of folks talking near cameras, soundtrack clips…you know the drill. Point is, why does the drill have to be so goddamn BLUNT? They used a Flump for the drill! Studio produced promos are two a penny, if I wanted to see them, I’d watch ITV late night. Still, worth a peek for Marlon’s quips, and his ever-shifting hair comb.
***Deleted Scenes*** Hop-A-Long Shorty – pretty funny but over-long, with a satisfying climax, ha ha.
Ray Calls A Play – 10 seconds of non-hilarity involving someone shouting “69” a lot, then getting a boner.
Bobby’s Lesson – VERY SLIGHTLY extended Cindy sex scene, most probably cut for pacing reasons but chucklesome anyway.
Gail Sets Surveillance Camera – “I can see your woofle” – great line that should really have been left in, the rest of the scene being pretty naff, but they probably saved the guy in a wheelchair gags for the sequel (they did).
Shorty Watches Girl On Surveillance Camera – Too long, too not funny. Glad they cut it out, but they should have left it on the cutting room floor. In a pile. Under some mouse droppings. In a volcano. On Mars.
Cindy’s Last Stand – 4 extra seconds of the final scene, featuring a throwaway blowjob gag. Unessential.
***DVD ROM extras***
***Screenplay Viewer*** Watch the movie alongside the screenplay (duh, really?), which also features clickable thumbnail images of stills from the flick. Pretty pointless for a movie reliant on sight gags, but adds more value to the package than:
***Scary Movie: A Guide for the Culturally Challenged*** Apparently an explanation, scene by scene, of each and every one of the jokes relating to pop-culture, which you can also be quizzed on. Two things stopped me from trying out this feature – One: I was more intrigued by the consequences of putting chilli oil over my testicles and then dry-humping a cheese grater. Two: the DVD-ROM said I needed to go online and download a decoder for my PC (which the could easily have fit onto the disc, really…) to enable the feature. I’m not on the internet at home. Balls.
***Screen Saver*** Rubbish! Why not include drivers for the software instead you cretins? Was your brain switched at birth by that of a small Mexican chihuahua? If screen savers are your bag, this feature scenes from the movie such as the incredibly tiny penis, and “I go poopy” Funny in context, dull as ant-sex within the confines of a screensaver. Weak.
***Character Profiles*** They needn’t have bothered, the faces of the cast roll past your eyes on faux film stock, rolling the mouse over each reveals a flash of scenes cut together to look like an animation. Clicking the faces “treats” you to a page of useless diatribe about what happens to the character and also lets you hear around 4 sound clips from the movie. Consider bungee jumping using wool as more entertaining than this.
***DVD Destination Website Link*** And it is! Though I couldn’t tell you what it was like, having no internet at home. I’m sure you’re not missing out on much, if the rest of the DVD ROM extras are anything to go by.
***The booklet*** Only worth a mention because of its rather unintentionally hilarious attempts at trying to inject some class into this filth-fest. Now, there are so many things I could say about this – the over-the-top back slapping, incredibly bad puns, actor profiles that border on romantic intent. So many, that I came up with:
BEN’S TOP 3 INCREDIBLY AWFUL THINGS ABOUT THIS BOOKLET
In at Number 3:
Yes, it’s repetition of the exact same facts! Never letting a previous production get in the way of a useful booklet, Miramax are oh-so-keen to point out that THE WAYANS BROTHERS worked on THE FILMS THEY ALL WORKED ON AT THE SAME TIME, which were I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA, and DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD. Did I mention that THE WAYANS BROTHERS made I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA and DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD? I didn’t? Well…
A non-mover at number 2:
Mentioning BIG SUCCESSFUL NAMES AND PRODUCTIONS! Yes, of all the people that have NOTHING to do with this film, John Hurt is most probably one of them!
And, of course, number 1 with a bullet is…
USELESS FACTOIDS! One of the actors had a small part in THE FACULTY (released by Dimension Films)! Someone was in an OFF-BROADWAY STAGE SHOW! Carmen Electra was on MTV! Shawn Wayans had a book on the best seller list! My brain hurts worse than a shaved tadpole!
The booklet actually has 5 PAGES of small text about this kind of crap! Now that’s scary…
(Nb. Plus, you get a “DVD experience” booklet, detailing the features of some up-coming releases. Best of all, each movie has a complimentary snippet from a review next to it. All except one… step up Pearl Harbour! Your number’s up, and the crowd all sing “you’re sh*t and you know you are… you’re sh*t, and you know you are… to the tune of Go West forever and ever amen).
Probably more worthy of a buy on video, the digital transfer not making much more of a difference. Ignore the sticker on the front that boldly proclaims “outrageous deleted scenes”, don’t read the booklet, turn off your sensibilities, get some friends around, drink some cheap liquor, eat some tacos and drink some more beer. You are now in the perfect state to watch this movie.
Production Year: 1984 - Horror - Director: Joe Dante - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Polly Holliday, Frances Lee McCain, Judge Reinhold, Corey Feldman
I have to say, this is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Possibly.
TallTone 05.02.2002 14:06
Where DO you come up with those glorious expressions from? You do know that I will now find it impossible to keep a straight face for a week if chilli oil is mentioned, don't you? :-) TT.
InScary Moviewe visit BA Corpse High School, where all the pupils are visibly in their ... more
late 20s and a masked madman (or two) is on the loose, slaughtering self-involved, pop-culture-obsessed kids while trying to get to virginal heroine Cindy Campbell (...
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A year after disposing the body of a man they accidently killed a group of dumb teenagers ... more
are stalked by a bumbling serial killer. A parody of modern horror films about a group of teenagers who are being terrorised by a serial killer. Some of the se...
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This hilarious, must-see comedy smash places Carmen Electra (TV's Baywatch), Marlon Wayans ... more
(Senseless), Jon Abrahams (Boiler Room, The Faculty) and some of today's hottest young stars in a wickedly funny send-up of today's most popular horror movies! A...
InScary Moviewe visit BA Corpse High School, where all the pupils are visibly in their ... more
late 20s and a masked madman (or two) is on the loose, slaughtering self-involved, pop-culture-obsessed kids while trying to get to virginal heroine Cindy Campbell (...
Postage & Packaging: free Super Saver Delivery Availability: Usually dispatched within 24 hours...
Advantages: Hilarious gags and sketches - mickey takes of films like scream and a great cast Disadvantages: Sick-minded humour for some not amazingly long
jmobstar2 05.04.2005 (05.04.2005)
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Review of Scary Movie (DVD)
Advantages: This is hilarious - if you're of the juvenile persuasion. Disadvantages: This is terribly offensive, disgusting, and occasionally delves into sacrilege.
Sarah_B 31.03.2002 (31.03.2002)
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Review of ScaryMovie 2 (DVD)
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Feb 5th, 2002
(Feb 7th, 2002)
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