People..please, no more telling me I misunderstood the Football Factory, if one more person even thi...
People..please, no more telling me I misunderstood the Football Factory, if one more person even thinks about saying it..I'm 32, I've got GCSE's in pottery..I understand sh*t British films just fine <flounces off in flurry of petticoats>
Member since:27.07.2000
Reviews:170
Members who trust:78
I was amazed to see a review for Meteor, and couldn't let my chance slip by. Why have 1 review for one of the worst film's ever when you could have 2?
This piece of Sunday afternoon fodder, you know, the kind of film that makes Songs of Praise a tempting prospect, had everything going for it...on paper...maybe.
Dreamt up as a rival to the films of the master of the disaster genre, Irwin Allen, but coming in when the trend was just about dead, and failing to take notice of Allen's poor showing at the Box Office, Meteor's fate was sealed long before it hit the screens.
Here is the funniest bit, the original script was entirely re-written after they decided it wasn't up to scratch, the mind boggles as to the quality of the first version. Some idiot allocated a budget of around $21 million to the film, of which $8 million was to go on special effects. Not one of those dollars is evident in the cringefully
crude special effects sequences, featuring a rock that was found in the director's back garden, and no, i'm not making this stuff up. The director, Ronald Neame had a good 'disaster' track record, having helmed 'The Poseidon Adventure' but there is little imagination or talent on display in his handling of this abomination.
A meteor is on a collision course with Earth, and all the world's most highly paid actors have to settle their differences in order to collaborate and find a way of destroying it. Well, kind of, the twist being that the US and Russia have to admit to having nuclear defences in space, and then combine those weapons and team up against that bad rock. You can tell it's bad because it has a laughter inducing 'theme' whenever it is glimpsed on screen.
So, who is in this turkey. Well, after the great runaround 'The First Great Train Robbery', Sean Connery was obviously feeling quite confident about his career, and decided that this was probably the one to get him back into the big league. Who could doubt him, after all the supporting cast boasted Karl Malden, Henry Fonda, Martin Landau, Natalie Wood and Brian Keith. Do any of them bring anything of note to the film? Well, Sean always brings something to a film, and this time around him maintains his dignity whilst sporting the world's biggest cardigan, and spouting some abysmal dialogue. He comes out of it the best. Trevor Howard looks very very ill, and very unsure of what is going on around him, much like the viewer. Natalie Wood has a terribly written part of a Russian translator, but her role consists mainly of talking 'girl-stuff', you know, hair, nails, washing up. Brian Keith is Connery's Russian counterpart and gets to ham freely with a full set of exagerrated expressions and mannerisms. Martin Landau looks like he should be on the stage as Richard III, his acting could only be described as subtle if you were sat 40 yards away from the television. He provides the most laughs, in an Alan Partridge like appearance where you know this guy is just a couple of minutes away from insanity. Henry Fonda? Well you just cross your fingers and hope that he is alive by the end of his scenes. I suppose Karl Malden is the most reliable of the supporting cast, he is one of those perenially reliable support actors.
The supposed 'highlights' of the film are watching the extras die in unconvincing fashion under layers and layers of polysterene snow, polysterene boulders, polysterene rubble, poorly composited water (not polysterene) and a load of old mud. Each disaster befalls a set of racial stereotypes. Lots of Italians get to wail 'Mamma Mia' before their disaster, and Leider-Hosen wearing Austrians scramble to avoid an inept avalanche. No flat capped Yorkshiremen meeting their death whilst eating pie's though. In Hong Kong somebody even finds the time to rescue their cute pet while a tidal wave (stock footage) approaches. The worst of the special effects are saved for the space sequences, and then they have the nerve to repeat the scenes in order to pad the finale out.
This is terrible terrible stuff, and should only be viewed after Jaws 4 - The Revenge or The Swarm.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
Production Year: 1964 - Action/Adventure - Director: Cyril Endfield - Original Language: English - Classification: Parental Guidance - Starring:Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, Ulla Jacobsson, James Booth, Michael Caine, Nigel Green
Production Year: 2002 - Action/Adventure - Director: Vincenzo Natali - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring:Lucy Liu, David Hewlett, Anne Marie Scheffler, Joseph Scoren, Matthew Sharp, Jeremy Northam
Haaa! This brings back memories old chap! I think this was one of the first reviews of yours I read, along with all those Oasis album reviews, remember? I was well pleased with my review at the time - especially the title - and to tell you the truth I was a bit miffed that someone had beaten me to it - with an equally good title to boot! Anyhoo, it doesn't matter cos my review's better!! (Although the 'Mama Mia' bit and the lieder hosen bit made me chuckle!). I dare you to watch it again - I bet you'll like it!
Howiemon 05.04.2001 23:27
I really thought I'd be the only one sad enough to review this film. However, I was wrong. Who'd have thought it! Even sadder, I actually quite like it! Great review.
Freddydog 31.03.2001 12:30
Love the title. The film does stick out in my mind as being really awful but after your review I think I might like to watch it again just to recapture the awful effects.
![Meteor Dvd [1979] | Sean Connery Natalie Wood Henry Fon](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/105218479.jpg "Meteor Dvd [1979] | Sean Connery Natalie Wood Henry Fon")
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![Meteor [DVD] [2009] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]](http://picnicb.ciao.com/uk/102808895.jpg "Meteor [DVD] [2009] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]")
Mar 31st, 2001
very helpful by (100%):
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