Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (DVD)

...it. At about the same Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (LST hereafter) was released and you can imagine the effect that it had on...well let's just call him Mr EECT (you can try to work out the abbreviation yourself). All of a sudden, geezas, motahs, and old Londahn tahhhhhnnnnnn were the order of the day. What sort of impact does this have on a shy, retiring, dignified northerner? I have no idea but it did make me retreat into my shell and mentally ...
...it' pile of films (along with Over The Top, Flood! Who Will Save Our Children, and anything with Chuckie Bronson in it) ("You just had to didn't you?" What? "Insult all those Charles Bronson fans out there. We'll get letters you know" Oh good, that'll help to pass the time).

But now it's NOT many, many years ago and I no longer work with a pseudo-cockney annoyance (and 'No' - I didn't marry him either). I do however ... more

Once upon a time many, many years ago, a younger TheNeil (not drastically young but younger than I am now) had the misfortune to work with a 'geeza'. You know the sort, a 'lad', a 'bloke'. The sort of person who was in fact totally removed from his supposed personality but liked to think that he was a true east end cockney wide boy. All this in the sleepy centre of Cambridgeshire. But where is this rambling load of utter rubbish leading us? Are we simply indulging me in yet another ramble-a-thon? Of course not. Like pencils and needles, there's a point to this story, so stop interrupting me and let me get on with it. At about the same Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (LST hereafter) was released and you can imagine the effect that it had on...well let's just call him Mr EECT (you can try to work out the abbreviation yourself). All of a sudden, geezas, motahs, and old Londahn tahhhhhnnnnnn were the order of the day. What sort of impact does this have on a shy, retiring, dignified northerner? I have no idea but it did make me retreat into my shell and mentally put LST onto the 'not if my life depended on it' pile of films (along with Over The Top, Flood! Who Will Save Our Children, and anything with Chuckie Bronson in it) ("You just had to didn't you?" What? "Insult all those Charles Bronson fans out there. We'll get letters you know" Oh good, that'll help to pass the time).

But now it's NOT many, many years ago and I no longer work with a pseudo-cockney annoyance (and 'No' - I didn't marry him either). I do however live with that light of my life Mrs TheNeil and she's never seen LST either, so when it popped up in the TV listings it was time to set the tape (I figured it would allow me to 'lose' it while not blatantly upsetting my good woman) (wouldn't want to kill of any more fairies with my little fibs). Oh for God's sake, get on with it you old ham. Alright, I am.

Card shark Eddie reckons he's onto a sure fire winner. Clubbing together with his three mates Soap, Tom, and Bacon, he's got the £100,000 he needs to enter Hatchett Harry's game. No problem, he'll clean up and the friends can live happily ever after. But Harry's sussed this one already and 'arranged' things so that he can't lose. So instead of greatness, Eddie comes away owing £500,000 and has only one week before fingers start getting removed from hands. From his less than luxury flat, the gang overhear a scheme to separate the local cannabis growers from their ill gotten games. Simple then, let the bad guys pull the job, and then rob the bad guys when they get back. The perfect crime indeed but we all know what happens to the best laid plans of mice and men...

Heralded as the saving of the British film industry at the time, LST was everywhere and it seemed that no matter what you watched or read, there was a reference to it. Maybe that's what turned me away from it (along with cockney 'geeza's) but having seen it now, do I feel that I was justified in doing so? Was it worth the wait?

It's the classic comedy/crime picture of old. A fantastically over the top scheme, everybody afraid of 'the law', and very definite good crims and bad crims. In fact if there were three minis in it this could almost be The Italian Job. The film industry hasn't turned out a decent British based picture of this kind since the 60's (the 70's went in for ultra-gritty realism, and the 80's was death time for Brit films) and it feels kind of funny watching the blend of crime and comedy. Yes I said comedy as it does have a light hearted side. Ok we're not talking out and out comedy but there's definitely a stream that runs parallel to the main river of crime. Maybe it's there to lighten things up, maybe it's to make the characters more complete, but whatever, it keeps our interest.

The story twists and turns incredibly with a seemingly never ending series of characters all having their individual stories intertwined. While in many films it can feel a little coincidental when in the final scene Lord Barnaby's killer turns out to be his own long lost twin brother Cecil who (as luck would have it) has been living in the shadow of his brother's shoe mill while having an affair with his wife, here we're in on the events early on. We know what's coming and we can see the collision between characters coming long before they actually slam into each other. That's part of the fun. We feel privy to a special secret, as though we're a trusted 'insider' or God like figure who's pulling the strings.

That doesn't however make it boring as LST can surprise us. Yes a second viewing may lessen the impact and surprise factor, and there won't be anywhere near as many 'Of course...' moments the second time around, but first time it's great. While not as complex or intellectually challenging as some films, LST is delicately balanced between audience groups. There will be those who care not a jot for the story while at the other end of the spectrum there will be those who dissect it, explore it, and scrutinise it.

Forever lauded as the 'next big thing' lead man Nick Moran was built up as some sort of modern day marvel. The truth however is disappointing. Yes Moran isn't bad but neither is he as good as his reputation (based on this single film going by the lack of other work). He's built up to be the Charlie Croaker of the 90's but never feels quite right. A little smug, a little too self assured, a little bit too Jack the lad. It works insofar as we need these qualities in his Eddie character but Moran just takes them that little bit too far. Michael Caine did us proud as Charlie (and even Alfie) but Moran just doesn't win me over as a 'geeza'. He never feels completely genuine and while I maybe asking too much, it's a niggle none the less. His 'gang' are pretty much faceless and sat here three days later, I'm having trouble remembering any of them (with the exception of Dexter Fletcher) (and that's only because he was in some teenage newspaper TV series with Julia Sawalha - Press Gang?). they were passable but in no way memorable.

Far more impressive are the rest of the cast. P.H. Moriarty is excellent as Harry the Hatchett but even more memorable is Vinnie Jones as Big Chris. Yes the ex-football thug actually does very well and easily matches much of the cast in terms of acting talent. Filled with suitably bizarrely named Eastend characters ('Dog', 'Plank' etc.) the cast are very much home grown and it's refreshing to see such an obviously lavish production filled with British actors rather than American ones.

Guy Ritchie may be more famous as being Mr Madonna these days (but for how much longer I wonder) and while like so many other elements of LST he was heralded as the second coming of Christ (possibly in cats) (don't ask) he actually does a very good job. This is a violent film and while Ritchie never approaches the almost surreal style of Tarantino, his final look and feel just adds that little something that stops this from being people shot in the head. Maybe it glamourises violence, maybe it lessens the impact and while I in no way condone it, it does have a certain visual quality here. Never as mindless as some of Arnie's gun-fests, the gun totting action is well done. It's not however at the expense of the rest of the film.

Moving along at an almost breakneck speed, LST tries to draw us into the world of gangsters where it's set. It tries to put it's arm around us and buy us a pint of fizzy at the old dog and duck. Ok so maybe it doesn't succeed on that front but it's an entertaining excursion. Yes it's true, I said I enjoyed it. It's not a masterpiece and given the choice I'd stick with Mr Caine and co. but it's far better than I imagined that it would be.

While LST will in no way appeal to all, I was very surprised that it managed to entertain me. It has the persona of a 'lads' film. The sort of film that you hurl in the video after 14 pints and a curry, but it deserves better than that. Yes it will appeal to the pub set but only on a very shallow level. My brother will love it but not for the same reasons I do. The twisting plot will be lost on him and he'll be impressed because they swear a lot and drive cars. Oh well, you pays your money - you takes your choice.

It's violent, swear word ridden (needlessly at times it has to be said), and in no way 'family' entertainment but it's good anyway. It's use of sepia tint is highly original and while many probably won't notice, it somehow adds a dream like quality to the proceedings. It's no longer real life but images in an old book, an old film from the dawn of cinema. Over-analysis? Maybe, but does it matter.

Do I feel of cockney-fied now? Do I have the urge to eat a tub of jellied eels? Err no (to both questions). There will be people who go over the top and adore it, proclaim it the best film ever made, and all the rest of it, but they're wrong. Yes it's good, yes it's entertaining, but it's not life altering, and at the end of the day it's escapist nonsense.

Perhaps Mr Kevin I'm-an-annoying-git-and-fake-cockney-geeza Simpson (who, if I had just one bullet left, would definitely get it) would like to remember that next time he crosses my path. 

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