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Member since:08.03.2001
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Whirrrr-click. What the frig is that noise? Ah yes, the Hollywood machine churning out yet another movie. Regular as a prune-diet pensioner and just as fetid in its stench. Amongst the rancid waste of computer game movies and “ironic” horror flicks, is there a live ant in a hoover’s chance that the man behind Leon and the latest hot property from the East can save us from tepidity?
‘Fraid not, folks.
***THE PLOT*** “Johnny” is a new arrival in gay Paree – his purpose of visit being “pleasure.” What kind of pleasure? Assisting the French police in a matter that gets out of hand, leading him to become framed for a murder. On the run in a strange country, he is led slightly deeper into a corrupt world of dirty cops (yawn) and whilst kicking everyone’s ass must help a prostitute get her daughter back – because like Don Rickles “he’s a nice guy!” * * * * *
“Houl’ on a minute there ladies. Are you gonna be tearing this here feature apart?”
Why yes I am Imaginary Nemesis.
“And why might that be? Isn’t it a solid genre piece?”
Yes. Yes it is. But that’s no excuse! It’s one of those movies that exists for the sole purpose of being a ‘star vehicle’ – that is to say it’s very impressive when Jet Li is doing
his thing, but otherwise clichéd and…
“Go on!”
…well, not boring, just – there. It’s just there.
“I’m afraid I don’t explain laddie. Don’t leave me hanging’ with that half-arsed excise for a explanation!”
Loosen those cuffs and I’ll talk a little more. <click> That’s better. Why are you even wearing handcuffs?
“That’s my business. Get back to yours.”
Sure. The movie starts off with a very strange shot of some lovely bunnies, one of which is dead. This bothered me – mainly because I didn’t know what the hell the significance of this chuffing dead cottontail was. Then I was distracted by the presence of Kato himself, Burt Kwock. This movie is certainly good at making you go “huh”.
“Explain.”
I will if you shut up and let me! The initial story for the movie was drawn up by Jet Li himself, and script duties fell on the shoulder of the aforementioned Leon creator – Luc Besson. So, as the script goes on, you do get odd moments that could be straight out of a Besson movie,. You also get typical sequences that seem to permeate oriental action movies - some rather strange coincidences between them in fact. For one, there is the comedy embarrassment scene – which smacks of Jackie Chan. There are two hired goons –
“Hired goons?”
- who have buzzcut hairdos and dyed white hair – I seem to remember villains like this in a few Jackie Chan movies. Maybe the writers were influenced by all that jazz – or maybe it’s just ‘one of those things’. There are also some very “Leon” style concepts – the saving of a strange object (in Leon a pot plant – here a tortoise), a corrupt police official, the storming of a police station and an assassin who has an uncanny knack of disappearing. Also, in what may be a self-nod, there’s a sequence with fire & explosions in a laundry chute, which is a little similar to Nikita.
“Okay, so what is there to like about this movie? I haven’t got all day.”
None of the similarities to other movies make this a BAD movie – just a bog standard one. The video case itself is very effective in making this sound a hell of a lot better than it is. My warning light should have started flashing as I read the back in the video store – a recommendation from The Daily Star – they called it action movie of the year or some nonsense.
For your bucks, you do get a fair bit of bang. Jet Li is an accomplished martial artist (inexplicably never has a wife – so a really bad marital artist then) and he gets to show off his skills here and also gets into some Jackie- Chan style prop fights which is always cool to watch,. If it wasn’t hampered by the flash-cut direction I’d have enjoyed the fight more. As it is, it seems that a man being able to pummel another man into submission ain’t exciting enough for director Chris Nahon (this is his debut feature) – who decides to employ random editing and rap music to bolster what could have been superb fight sequences instead of typical ones. The action scenes do have a little – what the French would call “I don’t know what” about them on occasion – especially the gimmick.
“Gimmick?”
Ah, still with me I see! Jet sports a rather fetching bracelet that seems to be a hippy adornment. On closer inspection, it’s a brace of acupuncture needles. During some fight sequences his opponents might feel a little prick (insert lurid pun here) from the mini-needles. Some are paralysed, others killed – the titular move being the “big payoff”. You know how the big bad guy has to get it worst of all? He does.
“So what else, laddie?”
Nothing really! As I said, it’s a standard genre piece with high-kicking fights, women in peril, a dash of humour and a happy ending. Nothing to raise the bar, no gimmickry so spectacular that anyone over 15 will be entirely in dumbstruck awe over. Yes, I am jaded. At least there’s no friggin’ wire work. “Wrap it up quick, these cuffs are cutting off the circulation to my hands! I look like a Smurf!”
That’s your own fault. This is perfect Saturday night video viewing with a few brewskies and some mates around you to laugh at your crummy jokes. It’s not going to change your life, but not all movies do. It keeps your eyes and brain working for at least an hour and a half. Expect anything else and you’ll be disappointed.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Things I learned from watching this movie:
· I’m never going for acupuncture in case they get it wrong! · Urinating makes you sleepy. · Rubbing your hand on glass leads to ouchies. · Being held at gunpoint does not faze little girls. · Surveillance experts are just like you and me – they can’t work video recorders properly.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rated 18 for drug references, bloody violence, swears and some nekkidness.
Thriller - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Timothy West, Neil Morrissey, Tara Fitzgerald, Annette Crosbie, Pauline Quirke, Rob Brydon, Denise Van Outen, John Thomson, Kevin Whately, David Suchet
Production Year: 2002 - Thriller - Director: K.C. Bascombe - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Jesse James, Rachel Skarsten, Charles Powell, Linda Purl, Kevin Zegars
Production Year: 2002 - Thriller - Director: Bharat Nalluri, Rob Bailey, Andy Wilson - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over - Starring: Matthew MacFadyen, Keeley Hawes, David Oyelowo, Peter Firth, Jenny Agutter, Lisa Faulkner
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xx-baby-davies-xx 23.05.2007 (23.05.2007)
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Review of Kiss Of The Dragon (DVD)
![Kiss of the Dragon [DVD] [2001]](http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/78531070.jpg "Kiss of the Dragon [DVD] [2001]")
Jul 19th, 2002
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