There isn't enough about Muse on this site. Are there any fellow Muse fans out there? Make yourselve...
There isn't enough about Muse on this site. Are there any fellow Muse fans out there? Make yourselves known...We'll start some sort of club.
Member since:30.05.2001
Reviews:93
Members who trust:113
Well it will be if you subject them to this.
Hooray for Hook! The Childrens film equivalent to Plan 9 from Outer Space or Rocky 5. The Cinematic experience of beating yourself senseless with a stick. So bad it destroyed careers and traumatised impressionable kids for life. Generally thought of now as one of the worst films ever and the low point of every person unfortunate enough to think “Ooh! A Spielberg film! That’ll be a career boost for me.” Needless to say the film bombed horribly, but why anyone ever thought it would do well is a mystery. How the hell did this idea ever fool an executive into handing over millions for it?
Exec: Come in! Spielberg: Hi, you wanted to see me about a movie? Exec: Yes that’s right, we want you to do another brilliant genre defining film that’ll blow away the critics and make us all much richer. Like ET2 or Jaws Returns Yet Again? Spielberg: Ooh, well you see I rather wanted to make
a live action sequel to Peter Pan, you know, not a cartoon I just want to rip off Disney a bit. Exec: Will there be any merchandising possibilities? Spielberg: No. Exec: Will there be loveable characters? Spielberg: No. Exec: A good story? Spielberg: No. Exec: Genuinely sad of terrifying moments? Spielberg: No Exec:(exasperated) What then? Spielberg: ( nonchalant) I was thinking more along the lines of ruining the story of Peter Pan whilst Americanising it at the same time, making it utterly camp, getting irritating kids to shout nonsense catch phrases whilst destroying any emotion or sentiment of any kind, employing humour somewhere below the puerile level and wasting the talent of my stars whilst wrecking their careers. What do you think? Exec: (shaking)How much will you need? Spielberg: More than you can afford or I deserve. Exec: Will it be good? Spielberg: Nope.
And if I didn’t quite get my point across, here for your benefit is an abridged script;
Hook
(the scene opens in London. It is snowing because this is an American film and in England it always snows. An improbable family meet Maggie Smith who is posh because she’s English)
Maggie Hello, my the children have grown blah blah blah, lets leave so the children can be kidnapped and advance this already dire film.
Cut to- A large soundstage resembling a badly drawn cartoon island. ( Hook enters with all his pirates on a million dollar boat furnished with needlessly lavish taste)
Hook Ha ha ha ha, I’ve kidnapped some children so I can trap Peter Pan, or something like that.
Peter Give me back my kids or I’ll act badly and spoil the film.
Hook No! Don’t do that, here, take them! Don’t spoil the film!
Peter Too late.
Cut to- Lots of kids of unidentifiable gender prancing about a tree house.
Peter Help me get my kids back or I’ll tell your parents about the sinister undertones of simmering homosexuality that your community possesses.
Lost Boys Yeah lets help this strange man with green leggings and eye liner get his talentless kids back.
Cut to- A big battle with lots of Pirates and sexless children of all races and colours because it would be racist if all the Lost Boys were white wouldn’t it.
Hook Oh well I’ve lost, I’ll go quietly if I can kill the most annoying Lost Boy, Deal?
Peter Sure. Now I must take my expressionless kids and return to my stereotypical wife. Bye.
The End
Well I cut it a bit but that’s really all there is to it. For those that care, here’s who’s in it.
Robin Williams- Peter Pan Dustin Hoffman-Hook Julia Roberts-Tinkerbell (no, really) Bob Hoskins- Smee Maggie Smith- Wendy
Out of such a (supposedly) talented cast, only Dustin Hoffman emerges with even a shred of dignity for his mildy amusing rendition of a text book villain. Robin Williams notches up another unforgettable Turkey, that’s on a par with Patch Adams whilst Julia Roberts should be thanking God that she’s still in the film business. Even kids wont find anything funny about it and teeters on the brink of becoming offensively bad rather than just bad. I’m aware that this was a children’s film and I saw it when it came out when I was seven and I still wanted to burn the negative. There just really is no excuse for such a bad overblown mess, and the fact that Spielberg made it is vomit inducing, considering he won two Best Director Oscars for Schindlers List and Saving Private Ryan. The only positive thing about the film was that there was no sequel. Lets just all be thankful for that.
willgould.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
Production Year: 2005 - Family - Director: Chris Wedge, Carlos Saldanha - Original Language: English - Classification: Parental Guidance - Starring: Ewan McGregor, Robin Williams, Jim Broadbent, Lowell Ganz, Halle Berry, Mel Brooks, Greg Kinnear
Nominated for Five Academy AwardsPETER PAN - the hero who never grows old - has grown up! ... more
And he's even forgotten how to fly! Enter the magical, mystical world of a hundred fun summers as the ageless avenger and faithful fairy Tinkerbell return to Neve...
Advantages: Probably one of those films that all kids will love. Disadvantages: Be careful!...my little-one jumped out of her skin..on more than one occasion
JHPRUSHTON 20.08.2000 ·
Read review
Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful
Review of Hook (DVD)
Apr 17th, 2002
(Jun 12th, 2002)
exceptional by (2%):
very helpful by (88%):
helpful by (10%):
