On Christmas Eve at a snowbound airport in North America, a group of kids from divorced families travelling alone are stranded. When they all get into trouble for running amok they make a real enemy of the airport manager. Quicker than you can say Jack Robinson they’re all banged up in the Unaccompanied Minors Room with all the other kids. They couldn’t be more different, but determined to escape, they band together to outwit the manager and his security staff.

Director Paul Feig has been behind the camera of several episodes of “Arrested Development” and the American version of “The Office”, which may be why the observational humour in this film is the strongest aspect. It’s when expectations are quashed that the laughs come. This is a shame considering it relies so heavily on slapstick as most kids’ films do. Not that I’m suggesting Feig doesn’t have the timing to carry this kind of humour off. It’s just most of the gags have been seen before so you know exactly what’s coming. The pacing is swift, using a brief montage of their respective visits to store Father Christmases to introduce the kids and some flashy graphics that show where they come from. Then it’s a matter of minutes before they’re into the hell-raising hijinks and have been sent to airport borstal by the mean manager. After that it’s a series of “I hate you and everything you stand for” sound-bites, before some cheddary bonding through adversity and ganging up against the adults. There are plenty of little action sequences, with kids riding around on golf carts, sledging in a canoe and riding the baggage conveyors that are notable only in that you can’t tell where the stunt people leave off and the actors begin. They are snappily shot and the inherent slapstick looks suitably painful. And Bob’s your uncle, ninety minutes have elapsed and you’re at the end with the true meaning of Christmas malarkey. It’s fairly painless as pre-teen movies go, if somewhat predictable.

Feig’s directorial style is functional rather than flashy, but at least he doesn’t pre-empt everything too much as some directors of this kind of film are prone to. There’s nothing innovative here, so it feels run-of-the-mill, but that’s as much to do with the writing and TV child actors as anything else. The child stars are unremarkable and some of the peripheral characters like the annoying Mary-Lin and Katherine have a touch of the old mahogany about them. But some kids always look like they’re acting in front of the camera, while others are able to relax and just be – not everyone can be the new Dakota Fanning.

The screenplay by Jacob Meszaros and Mya Stark is a children’s movie by the numbers. The plot pits a bunch of disparate kids against a mean old grown-up. By banding together they all learn the true meaning of family and to put aside their own insecurities and lighten up. That being said, it seems odd that the token fat kid is sent off on his own on a bizarre quest for a Christmas tree. It’s a subplot that goes nowhere, provides no laughs and doesn’t lead to anything like character development. Though the kids get up to all sorts of mischief, none of it is mean-spirited, though rather worryingly there don’t appear to be any consequences for the harsh slapstick events. Some of the kids and security guys take a real pounding but get up and walk away without a scratch on them. The happy ending is never in doubt and the usual cycle of setbacks and alliances ticks over like clockwork, right down to the family values moralising and the flurries of puppy love. The protagonists are standard kids movie archetypes; the rich girl, the tomboy, the smart kid obsessed by gadgets, the nice boy and the fat kid. Their nemesis is a minor authority figure that acts like a pantomime villain. Despite running a major airport he has nothing better to do with his time than chase a bunch of harmless kids around the terminal. And he has a good guy sidekick that just wants him to leave the kids alone and let them have fun. The security at the airport is laughable – if it was really so lax, terrorists wouldn’t have to go to such great lengths to attack them. And it seems odd that kids that have been up all night are still so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed come Christmas morning. The dialogue throughout is predictable and cheesy, right down to the vomit-inducing schmaltzy monologue about the true nature of family and the meaning of Christmas.

Many of the child cast suffer from teeth-and-eyes stage school acting. Everything they do tends towards the overstated, especially when it comes to comedy. It’s as though the director has told them to make it all big, without pointing out that slapstick can still be human. But some are better than others. Though Tyler James Williams, who plays geeky Charlie may star in TV sitcom “Everyone Hates Chris”, his timing isn’t that great and he’s often too panto for the big screen. “Bad Santa” star Brett Kelly shows how to do a lot with a little as the barely seen Beef, showing a talent for physical comedy and great timing that will stand him in good stead for the inevitable fat and funny roles to follow. The girls tend to be rather bland, though no doubt pretty teen Gina Mantegna will be able to parlay her looks into a few more anonymous teen princess roles before her career fizzles out. And she makes a decent fist of a psychobabble moment. But poor Quinn Shephard has little chance to make anything of stereotypical tomboy Donna. Dyllan Christopher, who plays lead kid Spencer, comes across as gawky but nice, but is too anodyne to leave a lasting impression.

The grown-ups also put in pantomime performances that lack subtlety and believability. As airport manager Mr Porter, Lewis Black puts in a one-note Scooby-Doo villain performance. He’s tense, shouty and hoarse and doesn’t even have the satisfaction of beating the kids at their own game as the script de-fangs him long before the end, making for a severe character about face. Wilmer Valderrama essentially reprises his role as the camp-as-Christmas Fez from “That 70s Show”, tagging along with the main characters, being nice, innocuous and fairly irritating with his thickly-accented mincing.

The “original” music by Michael Andrews constantly bombards the viewer with background sleigh bells, just in case you hadn’t twigged this was a festive film. The jolly piano themes illustrate that it’s a fun movie and when that isn’t enough, he uses loud electronic music to try to add excitement to the proceedings. There are all the usual mawkish string motifs and ker-azy harmonica flourishes that add nothing to the scenes. The soundtrack incorporates all the usual yuletide suspects like “Let It Snow” and “Silver Bells”, the comedy use of Alvin and the Chipmunks and the now obligatory (for a kids’ movie) loud pop punk. It’s not what you’d call inspired.
“Grounded: Unaccompanied Minors” is the kind of movie that will find its home on DVD or the Christmas TV schedules because it fits the template for children’s films so neatly. Those under the age of ten may well chuckle their way through it as the stuntmen take all manner of harsh looking falls (mainly during the improvised sledge chase) and the kids get one over on the adults. But grown-ups may find themselves snoring through the cheesy dialogue, predictable shenanigans and schmaltzy ending. And if your young ‘uns are prone to imitating what they see, you might want to supervise them while they watch because the many stunts don’t appear to have any negative consequences. It’s an entirely unremarkable movie in all aspects. Tell you what, if your age is in single figures, add another star.