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Member since:30.05.2001
Reviews:93
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I’m actually allergic to Forrest Gump. All it takes is for someone to say (in the appropriate voice) “I’m Forrest, Forrest Gump” and I go into shock. I was in a coma for two weeks after someone crept up behind me and said “Life is like a box of chocolates…” luckily I managed to smite him dead before he could finish the quote, which could have killed me.
Every one has things they just can’t stand; for Winston its rats, for Rabbit its mess and for me its Forrest Gump. Yes I know everyone loves it and thinks it uplifting and inspiring, well it makes me nauseous to even be in the same room as a fan of the film. I find the following that the film has attracted utterly baffling, how can anyone like such a cheesy, mawkish film. It has no plot, no good acting, no classic moments, a bad script and some of the worst clichés ever, most mystifying of all though is that it won Oscars, as if people are really gullible enough to be taken in by such manipulative sentimental drivel.
Fast becoming a modern classic(!), Forrest Gump successfully hijacked the only market that could be taken in by it; namely Romantic loving females, who manage to turn dire films such as The English Patient and Forrest Gump into timeless classics.
Forrest Gump follows the twee, Fairy Tale life of an idiot who manages by sheer fluke to succeed at everything he does, helped by his stereotypical down to
earth-no nonsense mother and slutty childhood acquaintance Jenny. Through a whole barrage of forced contrivances, we are forced to watch as he becomes a war hero, football star and (sigh) Shrimp boat captain, then mercifully the film ends as they clearly run out of things for Forrest to do.
Cast: Tom Hanks- Forrest Gump Sally Field- His mother Robin Wright- Jenny Curran Gary Sinise- Lieutenant Dan Mykelti Williamson- Bubba
Here is an abridged script so you too may share the magic:
Forrest Gump
(The scene opens on a CGI feather floating down to be picked up by our hero Forrest who, inexplicably is carrying all his life long possessions. He sits next to a stranger who is forced to listen as he rambles about his improbable life.)
Forrest: I’m Forrest Gump and I’ve had an amazing life which you’re going to listen too or I’ll follow you home.
Stranger: Okay Tom whatever, you do that while I call the police.
Forrest: It all began…
Audience: No! Don’t flash back! Please!
( We flashback right to the start of his miserable life. His mother Sally Field walks with him.)
Sally: Don’t you ever let anyone tell you who you are Forrest.
Audience: What? Who talks like that?
Director Robert Zemeckis: Oh everyone randomly spouts clichés and repeatable lines, don’t worry.
Audience: We’re confused, screw this crack pot retard, lets go.
Forrest: If you stay you get to see Jenny naked.
Audience: Okay, but if we hear one more cliché we’ll break your legs so bad you’ll never walk again, braces or no braces.
Cut to Forrest as a teenager, he stays the same all the way through the film, but everyone else ages terribly. Forrest bumps into Jenny.
Forrest: Hey Jenny.
Jenny: (Oh God) Hey Forrest, what amazing feat will you perform today?
Forrest: They’re sending me to Vietnam.
Jenny: You ever get in trouble Forrest you run, understand?
Audience: Why are you giving him good advice, you hate him as much as we do.
Bubba: Promise me you’ll be a Shrimp boat captain.
Forrest: Why?
Bubba: I dunno. Oh Forrest why do I have to die?
Forrest: Because if you survive it’ll just be awkward…
Bubba: I hate you.
Cut to- (Sally Field lies dying, to show she’s old her hair has been sprayed grey.)
Sally: I’m dying Forrest.
Forrest: At least say one more catch phrase before you die.
Sally: Never forget who you are.
(She dies. Forrest tries to look upset but cant cry convincingly, instead he screws his face up.)
Audience: Ha! Take that Sally Field. That’s what happens when a double Oscar winner scrapes the bottom of the barrel.
(Forrest starts running)
Audience: What the hell is he doing? That doesn’t make sense, its ludicrous to believe that he would run for three years.
Cut to- (Forrest with Jenny and an un-explained child. Jenny suddenly dies and Tom tries to cry again.)
Forrest: And that’s all I have to say about that…
(He is suddenly ambushed by a mob with shotguns)
Mob: We warned you about using clichés!
Forrest: Life is like a box of….
Audience: Kill him! Kill him!
The End.
I apologise to fans, but if you haven’t gathered it by now I really hate this film. If I was forced to come up with parts that I liked, Id have to admit that the table tennis bit is cool and Haley Joel Osment pops up in his first role at the end as Forrests son. But apart from that, the film is an exhaustive trawl through syrupy sentiment that may work on overemotional teenage girls who like to cry or believe that anyone can find love no matter how (sniff) different they are.
Tom Hanks performance depends on your attitude, most feel amazed at how convincing he is playing retarded, the rest of us wonder whether Hanks is actually just retarded. The only reason he won an Oscar is because the Academy are always impressed by actors portraying mental illness (see A Beautiful Mind and Rain Man.) Sally Field shows no evidence to suggest she is an Oscar winner and that accent is simply insulting. Gary Sinise comes out with some credit, and he is definitely the only one that is mildly convincing, whereas Jenny is not endearing in any way seriously undermining any emotion the film has to offer.
As a Drama it is adequate but as a Romance it’s heretical with none of the talent or flair Robert Zemeckis showed in Death Becomes Her. For many people it is sweet and charming, but that is only a thin façade, underneath it is a mess of worn out meaningless clichés, unconvincing performances and an actor in the leading role that you will only believe if you haven’t seen him in anything else. I found it overlong and dull in the bits that weren’t patronising.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
willgould.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
Production Year: 1999 - Drama - Director: Dick Maas - Original Language: English - Classification: 18 years and over - Starring: William Hurt, Jennifer Tilly, Denis Leary, Michael Chiklis, Francesca Brown
Production Year: 1995 - Drama - Director: Ang Lee - Original Language: English - Classification: Universal - Starring: Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, Greg Wise, Hugh Laurie, Robert Hardy
Production Year: 2004 - Drama - Director: Nick Cassavetes - Original Language: English - Classification: 15 years and over, 12 years and over - Starring: Rachel McAdams, Ryan Gosling, Gena Rowlands
Production Year: 1998 - Drama - Director: Martin Brest - Original Language: English - Classification: 12 years and over - Starring: Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, Marcia Gay Harden, Jake Weber, Claire Forlani, Jeffrey Tambor
Love the film and love your review, you did make me chuckle and I agree about the running for 3 years bit.
YOY9111 04.08.2008 21:55
ok i love this filam and a dore it but i must say your own version of forest gump did put a smile on my face because i can see why peole wouldn't like it...
...and that's about it.
stevenstel 03.08.2005 22:24
like the style of the review, but also liked the film :) - made me smile :D
If you read the label on a box of chocolates you'll know exactly what you're gonna get. ... more
Life isn't like that inForrest Gump, however, which is one of the reasons why this movie divided appreciative audiences from hard-hearted critics like few others be...
Postage & Packaging: £1.21 Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days...
If you read the label on a box of chocolates you'll know exactly what you're gonna get. ... more
Life isn't like that inForrest Gump, however, which is one of the reasons why this movie divided appreciative audiences from hard-hearted critics like few others be...
Postage & Packaging: Free! Availability: Usually dispatched within 24 hours...
Forrest Gump is the movie triumph that became a phenomenon. Tom Hanks gives an astonishing ... more
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![Forrest Gump (2 Disc Special Collector's Edition) [1994] [DVD]](http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/78521540.jpg "Forrest Gump (2 Disc Special Collector's Edition) [1994] [DVD]")
Apr 20th, 2002
(Aug 31st, 2002)
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