Epic Movie DVD > Reviews > Worse Than The Death Of Your Favourite Relative

Author's product rating:   

Did you enjoy it?	Hated it
Story	Very weak
Characters / Performances	Weak
Special Effects	Weak
How does it compare to similar films?	Weak

Advantages:	You What?
Disadvantages:	Read on .  .  .  .

Recommend to potential buyers:

no

Full review

A year ago I was submitted to a pain that was so excruciating I felt that my life had been scarred to such an extreme that I might never recover, I was quick to put pen to paper so to speak and inform the world of this atrocity that had occurred in my relatively decent life. The terrible offence was the utter sh!tfest known as Date Movie. Now one year on and obviously mentally scarred by last years events, I have been subjected to something far worse.

I have a sense of humour, anyone that has ever seen me will no doubt agree with that statement; you could go as far as saying that I'm a laugh riot and that without me even opening my mouth. You see some things are just naturally funny; some things however simply are not; some things are funny just by sight (in my case) while other things are funny in what you hear, Epic Movie does not fall into either category. I try to be adult and not fill my reviews with bad language or offensive material; however this movie is one that I hold no restraint over. In fact I'd go as far as to say that the person that actually enjoyed this movie (and I know there is at least one) is the biggest f**cking idiot on the face of this earth. Epic Movie angers me so much I literally snapped my pen that I have near me when watching a movie to aid with later reviewing. As I type my teeth are jammed together so hard that I'm sure that before I finish this review at least one will have popped out.

What makes me so angry is the fact that a reasonable production company, and a reasonable cast (well for at least two members) became involved in this. This really is amusement for the lowest common denominator viewer. I guess what annoys me more than anything else is the fact that these movies actually get made. The Zucker brothers that perfected this type of humour along with John Landis in movies like Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane & The Naked Gun films must feel a touch of guilt about this, as there creative style encouraged absolute idiots like Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer to make these movies, and fool the general public into believing that they might be funny and live up to the legends that were the Zuckers.

Epic Movie for the most part spoofs scenes from comedy movies that the first time round worked, if something works why try to fix it? I honestly believe we would not have found this type of movie funny even 30 years ago, before this style of spoof comedy existed. I feel personally that the movie has created injustices against movies like Dumb & Dumber which worked; and more distressingly the new younger generation are excepting this "mainly old jokes" as the originator of such spoof scenes. What Friedberg and Seltzer get wrong however is that with movies like Dumb And Dumber, they were actually funny, Epic Movie is not.

I have this vision of pre-production sittings in which the teams discuss the script and actually laugh, I mean imagine actually laughing. Maybe they are not laughing at the script however, maybe what they are laughing at is the fact that "Muppets" or to the rest of us, the viewing population will be paying money to watch this movie.

I wont bore you with the storyline of Epic Movie, as to hands on heart say that there is one is a lie, and I was always told as a child that liars go to hell. What Epic Movie does however is attempts to spoof The Da Vinci Code, X-Men, Chronicles Of Narnia, Pirates Of The Caribbean, MTV's Cribs, Superman and Nacho Libre to name just a few. It attempts to mangle the stories together and create a movie. The result is unfunny spoof deliveries of Samuel L. Jackson's Snakes On A Plane, in which the SLJ impersonator repeats the same line about 15 times, and becomes physically painful to watch. For those of you that remember blackboards, and more importantly finger nails being dragged across them, you might have an understanding of the sort of nausea I'm trying to describe.

Epic Movie does not succeed on any level whatsoever, other than I guess to commit fraud in getting people to watch it. Its not funny, its incredibly painful viewing, and worse still it actually leaves you with a feeling of anger so strong that you may in fact be driven to murder. In less than an hour I'll be making my way to work, passing a variety of scum and vermin, that may or may not try and mug me, or at least try and provoke me; I'm not sure that using Epic Movie in defence as an excuse for beating one of these scumbags to death with their own foot will put me in the clear, unless of course I produce the movie in my defence, and that might actually cause me to become the first person to receive the death sentence in this country for over 50 years.

Want to get involved in something funnier than Epic Movie? Here are some suggestions:-

Go to the fridge and throw milk all over you and your favourite outfit.
Attach razorblades to your sexual organs.
See how many times you can throw yourself off your roof before needing medical attention.

But my favourite of all must be to fill yourself with horrific junk food and laxatives (100-200 seems like a good number), then head for the toilet and prepare for the single most painful, smelly and unpleasant experience of your life. But rest assured that after this impromptu detox (if you survive) that this will be a more rewarding experience than seeing this movie.

Epic Movie has the audacity to include a series of special features, but life is just too short to waste time on this and I have a rather lengthy visit to the toilet to pay, before work. I wont tell you where to buy Epic Movie, and it will come as no surprise when I tell you that this is without a doubt the worst film I have EVER seen in my life, and unless these clowns are writing another movie as I speak, I'll doubt I'll ever see anything worse.