Eight Legged Freaks DVD > Reviews > MY, WHAT HAIRY LEGS YOU HAVE....

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Advantages:	Great fun, fab spiders
Disadvantages:	No sex (human sex, that is  -  thanks Danielle)

Recommend to potential buyers:

yes

Full review

One thing I really hate about a lot of modern movies is that they take themselves just that bit too seriously. There are some subjects into which it is extremely hard to inject any sense or reason, and sometimes a film director needs to completely suspend belief to make his picture worth watching. Eight Legged Freaks is a very successful and entertaining film because the director has done just this, and has clearly had a lot of fun along the way.

In a small Arizona town called Prosperity, things are not looking so good. Money is tight, unemployment is high and things are set to get worse with the closure of the town’s mine. When Chris McCormick returns to the town some ten years after he first left he finds that very little has changed but insists that he will not give in to the greedy demands of the developers who wish to buy his father’s mine. On the outskirts of town lives an eccentric old man who breeds and sells rare exotic spiders. The main source of food for the exotic creatures is a selection of insects gathered from a local pond, but unbeknown to their keeper the water has been contaminated by a discarded barrel of biological waste. He notices that his specimens have been growing at an unusually fast rate, but thinks nothing more of it and shares his love of the little creatures with a local boy – Mike, the son of the local sheriff.

But the creatures that are loved and tended for so carefully are growing much faster than he realises – and their appetites are growing even quicker. As the giant spiders grow rapidly out of control, they break free from their tanks and make their way into the local town. Initially, the only clue to their presence is the sudden disappearance of the inhabitants’ pets, but when they run out, the spiders need to find some more food. Driven by his interest in the arachnids the little boy, Mike returns to the spider farm, where he finds everything ransacked and covered in webs. The only clue to the huge monsters that have been released is a piece of exoskeleton. Armed with his evidence, the little boy quickly returns to town to warn the inhabitants of the danger. But who is going to believe such a tale? Nonetheless, the people of Prosperity had better listen to the kid this time – or else they might find themselves being served for dinner….

Needless to say, the stars of Eight Legged Freaks are the spiders. The special effects employed to bring the creatures to life are extremely effective and very realistic. Eight Legged Freaks may have been inspired by those 1960s monster B-movies, but there is nothing second rate about the monsters that roam Prosperity. Several types of exotic beast are brought to life, including jumping spiders, trap-door spiders and an enormous hairy tarantula, and each of them attacks the townsfolk in a very different way. There is a superb chase scene involving teenagers on motorbikes who are chased – and generally caught – by huge jumping spiders. There are also some wonderfully jumpy moments involving the trap door spiders, who grab a group of unsuspecting diners as they try and flee town. My favourite beast was probably the tarantula, huge by comparison to the other spiders, and incredibly powerful too. Scientists and arachnid lovers may well criticise the giant spiders, as I suspect that the creatures don’t move strictly as they might do in reality, but Eight Legged Freaks is more about having fun than learning, so you can easily forgive these things.

Although arachnophobes would find the film a living hell, there are lots of little touches and flourishes to take away the nasty edge of things. I’m quite sure that I heard the spiders giggling and laughing as they ran through the town, and likewise they seemed to scream as they fell from a great height or got shot by one of the town’s inhabitants. The funniest bit (or was it the silliest?) involves a cat that has a scrap with one of the spiders behind a plaster board wall. Think of Cats and Dogs meets Itchy and Scratchy and you might understand what it’s like. It’s all silly – but very funny. That’s not to say that the film doesn’t have a few horrible bits in it though. The main species of spider is one that captures its prey whole and alive and then wraps it up in webbing to take it back to the female. Upon receipt of her bundled prey, she then injects the unfortunate creature with an acidic venom that dissolves its internal organs and enables her to feed. A number of the townsfolk therefore suffer a similar fate, albeit on a larger, nastier scale. Not a pleasant spectacle, even if it is only briefly glimpsed.

Where Eight Legged Freaks doesn’t work quite so well is with its human stars. The writers have tried to put together a mad mixture of different characters – including a paranoid radio station DJ, a chain smoking dotty old dear and an unscrupulous mayor – but there just weren’t enough of them. The lead characters are the new owner of the mines and the town’s sheriff – who just happens to look like Jennifer Lopez, so you can guess where the romantic interest comes from. There were some good bits, but looking back, none of the characters really stood out, and it comes to something when the spiders upstage the humans.

Initially, Eight Legged Freaks looks as though it’s going to become rather creepier than it actually does. When the townspeople are yet to discover that they have new residents, there are all sorts of cringeworthy moments when old ladies lean into holes and cupboards, blissfully unaware of what lurks within them. These moments very quickly dry up though, so if you don’t like bits like that, you need not hide behind the sofa for too long. This is probably a good thing, or else the film would have simply become much the same as Arachnophobia – and instead has much more individuality. Animal lovers won’t like things though – as usual, it’s the dogs, cats and birds that get eaten first.

In a bizarre, gruesome way Eight Legged Freaks is a hugely enjoyable film. The movie contains lots of imagination and tears along at such a pace that you never have time to get bored. It REALLY isn’t everyone’s cup of tea – you have to be the sort of person who enjoys action thrillers and probably horror films too. You will definitely either love this or hate it – and you can probably guess which one applies to you before you’ve even seen it.

I loved it.

Highly recommended