Dirty Dancing 2 - Havana Nights (DVD)

TITLE: Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

RATING: No Stars (and I mean that!)

CAST: Diego Luna, Romola Garai, Sela Ward, John Slattery, Jonathan Jackson, January Jones, Mika Boorem, Rene Lavan, Mya, Polly Cusumano, Chris Engen, Tommy Kavelin, Wilmer Cordero, Charlie Rodriguez, Donata Povedo, JoAnn Jansen, Patrick Swayze, Modesto Lacen.

DIRECTOR: Guy Ferland

STUDIO: Miramax / Lions Gate / Artisan ...
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DIRTY IS RIGHT
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The announcement of a followup to DIRTY DANCING (seventeen years after the fact) really caused a stir among the public; needless to say, that stir was mostly a negative one. While ... more

TITLE: Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

RATING: No Stars (and I mean that!)

CAST: Diego Luna, Romola Garai, Sela Ward, John Slattery, Jonathan Jackson, January Jones, Mika Boorem, Rene Lavan, Mya, Polly Cusumano, Chris Engen, Tommy Kavelin, Wilmer Cordero, Charlie Rodriguez, Donata Povedo, JoAnn Jansen, Patrick Swayze, Modesto Lacen.

DIRECTOR: Guy Ferland

STUDIO: Miramax / Lions Gate / Artisan Entertainment

RUNNING TIME: 86 min.

RATING: PG-13 (US); PG (UK); for banal sensuality and horrible music.

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DIRTY IS RIGHT
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The announcement of a followup to DIRTY DANCING (seventeen years after the fact) really caused a stir among the public; needless to say, that stir was mostly a negative one. While the original film is no masterpiece, it does have huge fan base full of ardent admirers, myself included. The unexpected hit of 1987 (based on the memoirs of Eleanor Bergstein, who wrote the screenplay) was made for only $5 million, though it would eventually earn $150 in box office receipts. Vestron Pictures (which is now Artisan Entertainment) was saved from bankruptcy, the film made a star out of Patrick Swayze---not to mention it marked the auspicious debut of Jennifer Grey, daughter to Academy Award-winner Joel Gray (CABERET). In addition, the film would spawn a hugely successful concert (which was eventually filmed), and not one but two soundtracks, both of which have become two of the biggest selling records in history. Last but not least, who can forget the now-classic Bill Medley-Jennifer Warnes song “I’ve Had The Time of My Life,” which would go on to earn a Best Original Song Oscar.

When I wrote my review for DIRTY DANCING last year, I announced the actual existence of the sequel, which was released in the States in early February to (mostly) bad reviews, and it made a pathetic $14 million at the box office. Now I know why the movie failed, and I think it’s mostly due to the fact that a sequel without Swayze and Gray would be practically unwatchable. DIRTY DANCING: HAVANA NIGHTS was just released to theaters in the UK this past weekend, so it is not a moment too soon that I decided to write this review and warn everyone not to waste 5 or 10 quid of their hard-earned money to see this totally unwarranted sequel to one of the most popular films of all time. In this review, I will give all of you the truth and guts of the film---and explain why it will no doubt end up as my vote for the worst film of 2004. Being a member of the Razzie Awards, which honors the worst in motion pictures, the only competition I see this film having so far is SEED OF CHUCKY, the fifth film in the CHILD’S PLAY franchise.

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BASED ON TRUE EVENTS (WHO CARES?)
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As the familiar title flies up on the screen, it then says on the bottom of the screen that it is based on true events, which sounds like more of an excuse than anything else to bring about a sequel, though I will explain soon what I was really offended by (this sentence alone gives you a clue). It is November 1958 (not 1963, so this is essentially a prequel, but anyway) the rich Miller family is moving from Ohio to Havana on the eve of the Cuban Revolution. The father, Bert, has gotten a job at an exclusive country club; he and his wife Jeannie used to be grand dancers, and even passed on the training of classic dance to their daughter Katey, who is now 18 and must get through her senior year down in Cuba. She manages to impress her classmates on the first day with her serious study habits (she confesses in the beginning that she is more interested in reading Jane Austen than whatever the average teenager does), and catches the eye of James Phelps, whose father owns the country club her father works at. However, she is more interested in a Cuban busbuy that works at the club named Javier.

James manages to snag a date with Katey, and she manages to drag him to the La Rosa Negra, a steamy nightclub where Javier frequents on a regular basis. Once they arrive---surprise!---there are dirty dancers everywhere! Being a classically trained dancer, she becomes intrigued by this new hot and sexy form of moves on the dance floor, and is overjoyed when Javier asks her to join him on the dance floor. Later on, James tries to feels Katey up which, needless to say, makes her upset, and so she decides to go back to Javier and let her walk her home, where they get to talk more. (I know, I know, how much more predictable can this story be?) Well, due to a misunderstanding, Javier gets fired and now must find a way to make some money to help his poor family and Katey has the answer---they enter a dance competition where the first prize is $5,000 and a trip to America. How perfect for both of them, except the fact that she will have to tell her parents eventually about Javier and their nights together.

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MISS JANSEN IS NO MISS BERGSTEIN
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Apparently, this story is based on actual events which happened to JoAnn Jansen, who did go to Cuba in 1958, fell in love with a Cuban boy, and entered a dancing contest with him. I’m not saying that Jansen is lying about anything here, but what offends me is where she got the gall to use the name of “Dirty Dancing.” My personal belief is that Eleanor Bergstein, who wrote the original, didn’t name the film and thus the title doesn’t belong to her, which would make it owned by the studio; now if she does own the name, I have no idea why she would allow this woman to use the name for her own memoirs. In other words, why couldn’t she just use the name of “Havana Nights,” but feel she must use the Dirty Dancing trademark to sell her story. That is what I’m really offended about with this whole film: it was made by profiteers, not filmmakers. Think about it: it is not hard to believe that someone at Miramax said, “Hey, you know what, I know this woman named JoAnn Jansen and she told me this story of her in late-50s Cuba, where she learned to dirty dance with this boy…sounds like the perfect way to put out a new DIRTY DANCING film.” Rumors have been going on for years of making a sequel, but all attempts of reuniting Swayze and Grey failed; it didn’t help also that director Emile Ardolino, died only six years after making the film with Bergstein at Vestron Pictures.

The truth of the matter is, if this film had been released as say, HAVANA NIGHTS and had nothing to do with DIRTY DANCING in anyway (which would have been difficult anyway because the stories are quite similar), I probably would have given this 2 or 2½ stars, and would have called it harmless and forgettable. However, I think I’ve made it clear that this film trades on the memory of a much better movie. Let me put it another way, if I may. Do any of you remember the 1980 film THE BLUE LAGOON with Brooke Shields about two kids stranded on a desert island who mature and discover each other sexually---and even have a kid of their own? Like DIRTY DANCING it was superficial but undeniably romantic, and it also became a very popular film with the audience. Then, in 1991, we had RETURN TO THE BLUE LAGOON, which was more of a remake then anything else and even at its best (a relative term), the film came a decade too late. The framework of HAVANA NIGHTS is too similar to the original to ignore, right down to the numerous dance sequences (including one big final dance), only becoming different with the introduction of racism and 1950s politics. To be honest though, I would rather watch the BLUE LAGOON sequel again over this film---and I named that one of the worst films of the year.

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BENDER SHOULD STICK WITH TARANTINO
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When the movie was finally over, it made me sick to my stomach that people actually stepped up to the plate to actually make this garbage. The primary person responsible (other than Jansen that is) is Lawrence Bender, who has produced all of Quentin Tarantino films, including KILL BILL VOLUMES 1 & 2. He decided to bring on writer-director Boaz Yakin (REMEMBER THE TITANS, UPTOWN GIRLS) to write the laughable script, along with first-timer Victoria Arch. And who is sitting in the director’s chair you might ask? The man is Guy Ferland…we all remember, him, right? He directed the awful 1995 direct-to-video film THE BABYSITTER, we surely all remember that one, lol. It starred Alicia Silverstone as a babysitter who is stalked by some neighborhood boys who have sexual fantasies with her in them. Jansen had nothing to do with the writing process, instead posing as choreographer and co-producer. The directing and writing were quite unbearable; Ferland seems to think that jump-cutting every second and ending scenes with the actors looking dumbfounded is how you direct effectively. The ridiculous dialogue is not even good for laughs; in fact, I was downright embarrassed by many of the lines (be ready to read the Quotes section).

However, the worst part about the creative process was the acting. Granted, most of the cast consists of unknowns, though it is hard to believe that any of them went to drama school. For starters, Diego Luna happens to be the most acclaimed living theatre, cinema, and opera set designer (!) in Mexico today. While he has shown talent in such films as Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN and Kevin Costner’s OPEN RANGE, I found his performance here as Javier to be grating and annoying. However, he was tolerable when compared to his female co-star. Romola Garai is sexy, even sultry, in the pivotal role of Katey, though the best thing to be said about her performance is that she manages to hide her British accent---most of the time, anyway. I would imagine, considering she is a London native, that she would be the main reason why most UK filmgoers---whether they are fans of DIRTY DANCING or not---would go see this film (I read recently that she is doing a play here called “Calico”). The only film I saw her in was the excellent adaptation of “Nicholas Nickelby,” and she didn’t really impress me there either. She makes Jennifer Grey (in the original) look like Katherine Hepburn; in short, she wasn’t believable in any scene and half the time she either looked confused or bewildered. Surely the atrocious dialogue didn’t help, as well as the fact that Garai and Luna had no chemistry between them.

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A SURPRISE GUEST WHO DOESN’T DO ANYTHING
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The only connection aside from the title that this film has with the original DIRTY DANCING is the presence of Patrick Swayze, though he is not Johnnny Castle here, just to let you all know. He is merely here for name value, that’s all, and comes in the form of a dance class instructor (what else?) who is onscreen for less than 5 minutes throughout the film. When we first see him, he is dancing with the real-life JoAnn Jansen, and then mentions to all his students about the dance contest and asks who wants to enter. Then he catches Katey, points at her, and says, “How about you?” Then they dance for less than 3 seconds and says, “Ok, go and think about it,” and walks off. I was just thinking, “What the hell?” Then he appears again later, dances with Katey again, says “You’ll get better,” and walks off again! Oh, yeah, hell of a great dance instructor there. Now, I must say that I’m sure that Swayze must have received a hefty check for his few scenes, though why he would even thought to have appeared in this followup, I have no idea. However, considering the fact he acts in hardly anything anymore, he must have been desperate for the work. In my view, the only thing that Swayze did was remind me of the earlier film; trust me, even his appearance doesn’t make this film watchable.

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WHERE IS JOHNNY’S MAMBO WHEN YOU REALLY NEED IT?
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As expected, the film has almost wall-to-wall music with a distinctive Cuban flavor, though after awhile it begins to get exhausting. What was so interesting about the original film was how most of the music was 1980s style, and it actually worked in serving the story, which was set in the 1960s. Now, I’m not exactly sure how much of the music played here was 1950s, though one thing I did notice was a considerable amount of hip-hop music. Now, granted, I’m not a big fan of hip-hop, though if you really sincerely want to hear it or the Cuban songs for that matter, which include the theme “Represent Cuba!”, then buy the soundtrack instead. The band at the La Rosa Negra, for those that really want to know, are the Orishas, and the lead singer is Heather Hedley, who won a Tony Award in 2000 for “Aida.” I guess the filmmakers at least succeeded in making the music fit the time and place, though they do go overboard with all of it as well. Oh, yes, there is also an actual song called “Dirty Dancing,” made especially for the film, performed by a band called Black Eyed Peas---don’t ask, I have no idea who the hell they are. In addition, in my opinion, any film that wants to plug Christina Aguilera in the soundtrack singing a song in Spanish “El Baso Del Fino,” is asking for trouble.

Finally, last but not least, there is the dancing itself. The sequence with the dirty dancers lasts less than five minutes, as the director then just wants to pay attention to Luna and Garai, which is understandable in the context of the story, but what I noticed is that much of their dancing is recycled in scenes throughout the film. If anything, they are certainly no match for the dancing between Swayze and Cynthia Rhodes (as Penny) in the first film. While I’m tempted to describe how routine the final dance is, I’m not going to even bother for those out there who still want to see this film. I’ll say it one last time: all of you, whether you are a fan of DIRTY DANCING or not, this film was entirely unjustified and just plain despicable. If the final quote doesn’t make you realize how much this has ripped off the original, then this may be the film for you. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to reading all your comments. In addition, I apologize to all of those who were looking forward to my review on THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT; it has been delayed because I realize now that I have to do some hard research on the phenomenon that inspired the film. Cheers for Now!!!! Chris xxxxx

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QUOTES AND TRIVIA
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1) “A bunch of us will be going to the country club on Saturday night. There is a band, and the music is pretty cool. Wanna go? --- Jonathon Jackson “I really do have a lot of work to do!” --- Romola Garai “On Saturday night? Wow! Come on, even Homer took time off to write the ‘Iliad’ and the ‘Odyssey.’” --- Jonathon Jackson

2) “You know you are a pretty good dancer!” --- Diego Luna “I was terrible!” --- Romola Garai “Oh yeah, yeah you were terrible. But for an American, you move well.” --- Diego Luna

3) “You never had a boyfriend in America?” --- Diego Luna “No. I liked this one guy, but it didn’t work out. Well, actually he didn’t know I existed.” --- Romola Garai “Oh, yeah, yeah, that could be a problem!” --- Diego Luna

4) “My job is to make you look beautiful. Your job is to make our bodies look like one!” --- Patrick Swayze

5) “This is like dancing with my mother’s ironing board!” --- Diego Luna “Oh, God! Do you have to be such a guy?” --- Romola Garai “Ok, no problem, I’ll be a girl then (starts dancing like a moron)” --- Diego Luna

6) “Didn’t you ever stop to think that boy could be using you! A nice, pretty American girl who could be his ticket to America!” --- Sela Ward (as Jeannie Miller)

7) “Katey, if you are asking me to approve of this boy, I can’t! But the dancing was incredible. I think I should take a little credit for that!” --- Sela Ward

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TRIVIA NOTE #1: While the film is set in Cuba, going there to make an American film would be easier said than done. That is why much of the film was made in Puerto Rico.

TRIVIA NOTE #2: JoAnn Jansen has been a choreographer for over 10 years, starting on the television series “The X-Files.” Her only other acting role was a bit part in the 1996 John Travolta comedy MICHAEL.

TRIVIA NOTE #3: Almost all of the producers of this film are now working on a new project called THE NEW WORLD, written and directed by respected filmmaker Terrence Malick (THE THIN RED LINE), which stars Colin Farrell as 17th-Century explorer John Smith.

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