Cobra (DVD)

Before Keanu Reeves set the trend for dodging bullets in slow motion, Sly Stallone was chiselling his iron jaw, rather than putting his mind to a script in 1986's Cobra. Crime was a disease; he was the cure. It was that simple.

An army of axe wielding serial killers led by the "Nightslasher" are terrorizing L.A. with absolutely no motive. But spare the psychological babble for the films that don't make it seem so cool to ...
...on a match stick in the presence of danger. Stallone's only job as "The Cobra" was to protect a fashion model- who witnessed some of the unmotivated murders- and max out as many psychopaths as possible. It was a great life being an action star.

Whether Stallone meant it or not, Cobra is full of hilarity. Though, surely he must have seen the funny side to a bad guy threatening to blow up the local supermarket, and then replying ... more

Before Keanu Reeves set the trend for dodging bullets in slow motion, Sly Stallone was chiselling his iron jaw, rather than putting his mind to a script in 1986's Cobra. Crime was a disease; he was the cure. It was that simple.

An army of axe wielding serial killers led by the "Nightslasher" are terrorizing L.A. with absolutely no motive. But spare the psychological babble for the films that don't make it seem so cool to wear a trench coat, a pair of aviators, and chew on a match stick in the presence of danger. Stallone's only job as "The Cobra" was to protect a fashion model- who witnessed some of the unmotivated murders- and max out as many psychopaths as possible. It was a great life being an action star.

Whether Stallone meant it or not, Cobra is full of hilarity. Though, surely he must have seen the funny side to a bad guy threatening to blow up the local supermarket, and then replying with his punch line "Go ahead. I don't shop here"- quite possibly the best pre-killing quote I've ever heard, even by Arnie's standards.

Don't be fooled, however, because Marion "Cobra" Cobretti is really a sensitive guy. He confesses at one point to the women he is protecting that he wished he had been born with a much tougher name... like "Alice". He even likes health food, and advises his partner to try something natural... like prunes. Perhaps the pick of the bunch though comes when the woman asks him "Do you believe you can fall in love?". Stallone replies "With a woman?" Now how about that for personal insecurity?

Oh, and if you want other randomness then there's plenty of it.
For one, Cobra's car, a snazzy 1950 Ford Mercury, (which has the number plate "Awsom 50" by the way) has the kind of seat belts that you'd normally find on an airplane... or tank. The guy also eats left over pizza by firstly cutting it up with scissors. Let's not forget the most random montage ever: Brigitte Nielsen in the most ridiculous outfit, prancing around a group of robots, to the sound of Robert Tepper's "Angel of the City". Go ahead woman, seduce those cyborgs!

Critics on the whole hated it, but action freaks loved it; either way, if you want an bad excuse to grab a beer and have a man moment away from the nagging missus then Marion "Cobra" Cobretti is definitely for you. Hell, I didn't even need an excuse:
I think I was a little ten year old boy when I first saw Cobra and women wouldn't come anywhere near me. Yes, I was a geek. Their loss. Retro's cool now, didn't you know?

You can find Cobra in your local Woolworths bargain bin now. Stallone really believed it was worth killing hundreds of psychopaths and risking your career in order to save Brigitte Nielsen.

http://www.andycarrington.co.uk 

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