Casino Royale (Wide Screen) > Reviews > Oh Oh NO!

Author's product rating:   

Did you enjoy it?	Disliked it
Story	Very weak
Characters / Performances	Good
Special Effects	Weak
How does it compare to similar films?	Weak

Advantages:	NONE, oh it would make a good coaster .
Disadvantages:	You name it .

Recommend to potential buyers:

no

Full review

Casino Royale was the name of the first James Bond novel to be written by Ian Fleming in 1953. In 2006 we shall see Daniel Craig take on the role that such actors as Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan made their own. However in 1967, right after Thunderball and before You Only Live Twice there was another Casino Royale !

Casino Royale

If you are a fan of the James Bond films as I am, you will know that this film exists and is not classed as an "official" movie. This was a comedy Bond long long before Austin Powers had even been thought of. The plot could have been straight out of a Mike Myers' movie, however Mr Myers' parodies are watchable. This pile of tripe is probably one of the worst films ever made. I fear that sales of this version of the film will increase off the back of the new Casino Royale, and I wish to stop that from happening.

There is an all star cast including David Niven in the title role as Sir James Bond. Woody Allen, Orson Welles and even Ursula Andress. Right from the opening credits you get the feeling that THIS is where Mike Myers got his idea for Austin Powers. If not because of the 1960's music, but the whole Burt Bacharack style musical accompaniment and lovely ladies. I loved the Austin Powers films because they were a blatant Mickey Take of the Bond Films. This little abomination doesn't really know what it wants to be. Is it a long comedy sketch ? Is it an all star cast showcase ? The pace is terrible, the plot is all over the place and you can't help feeling that this film is a mess. I was left bored, frustrated and disappointed. I haven't felt like that about anything since my honeymoon.

So what is about then? Who wants to take over the world this time?

Ok so I may have been a little harsh in my initial judgement of this film. (Sorry but I can't talk about the minimal plot yet). There are some great scenes. Woody Allen's escape from a firing squad could have been one of the best sketches ever. Peter Sellers love scene with Ursula Andress is a showcase of how great this man was at multi-layered, understated comedy. Orson Welles pulls off his tongue in cheek performance as a Card Playing SMERSH agent like he was born to play only that role. But all these scenes are classic in explaining what is wrong with this film. It feels like you are watching a clip show. A group of writers got together, put their best stuff down on paper and made a movie out of it. But they didn't take the time to try and tie it together properly. Scenes get muddles up, the plot gets lost and you are waiting for the whole thing to finish. Just over 2 hours later it does!!!

So now onto the plot…..nope, sorry. I have to tell you about the cast of millions first. There are cameos from every actor that was working in tv and film in the UK in the 1960's. Bernie Cribbins, The Crowman from Wurzel Gummage, that oriental bloke from the Pink Panther films and even Ronnie Corbett. It's quite funny watching this film and playing "who's he/she again, and what were they in?". You get the look and feel of a "Carry On" film one minute, followed by a song and dance number that wouldn't look out of place in a broadway show the next. In the middle somewhere, for good measure there is what looks like some arthouse style camerawork and noir set dressing. Honestly there is all the continuity of a primary school Nativity play starring Buzz Lightyear.

Do you really want to know about this plot or can I continue with my rant? What the heck, rant it is!………..If you want to justify this film as anything, you could say it is an attempt at a parody. The main James Bond set pieces are there ; The Casino Scene, the girls and gadgets, bad guys and the tuxedo. But you could just remove the name Bond and call it a spy parody. Really, I think that is what it was. Because the whole Bond thing was such a phenomenon at the time, Hollywood and it's biggest players jumped on the swinging London bandwagon and chucked out a film. Sad, though it is, I think I have found the reason for Casino Royale…….a bandwagon.

So here, finally is the plot……James Bond is retired. Yes he is old in this film. Come on, David Niven always looked old. The world's spies are getting wiped out by SMERSH. The bad guys are winning and the world's superpowers need Bond's help. Rather than really come out of retirement properly, he hatches a plan. "From now on all agents will be known as James Bond, even the girls". Pretty much the rest of the film revolves around those checkered scenes and the army of female agents armed with exploding grouse. For good measure there is another sub plot about replacing the world's leaders with robot replicas and wiping out all men over 4 foot 6 inches tall.

Sorry to admit it, but this was a Bond film that I really disliked.

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Normally at this point of my James Bond film reviews, I give you a little run down on some Bond stats and figures, even though this film is a shile of pite, I will do my best. Here goes…

Because there are so many Bond films (23) here's an at a glace to jog your memory……

Place in bond history of release
· The fifth film. World premiere 13th April 1967 at the Odeon Leicester Square London

Name of actor playing Bond
· David Niven

Starting sequence and song
· Arty farty attempt at Royal style lettering with a Burt Bacharach providing the tune. Non descript really. However there is the Dusty Springfield classic "The Look Of Love". One of the few saving graces.

Feature run time and cinematic rating
· 2 hours 6 minutes. PG

Villains. Who wants to take over the world and why.

· Le Chiffre (Orson Welles). SMERSH bad guy and illusionist gambler. Welles hams up the role so well, you think he was born to play it. Shame the context of the role is so bad.

Sidekicks or just nasty
· Dr Noah or Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen) SMERSH agent and nephew of the great James Bond. Suffers from small man syndrome and the need to take over the world

Bond Girls/Babes
· Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress) The richest woman in the world and SMERSH agent
· Agent Mimi (Deborah Kerr) Poses as M's wife and becomes a nun!.
· Miss Goodthighs (Jaqueline Bisset) Just another of the many SMERSH yawn Dollybirds

Gadgets
· Television watch .
· X-ray glasses for reading cards.

Cars/ vehicles of interest
·Some unidentifiable classic cars. Possibly a Rolls driven by Bond. A bit styalised.
· VW campervan converted to fire homing-exploding rocket grouse.

Locations/sets
· Monte Carlo
· Paris
· Scotland
· London
· Berlin
· India

Last scene

· WHO CARES. You will have the "fast fwd" button wedged down anyway.

Other notables

· Try going onto IMDB.com and looking up the cast list!!!
· After having watched this dvd again to do this review, I swear I will NEVER watch it again.
· People have been known to chew through armchairs in an attempt to avoid this film.
I wrote this review as a warning to anyone who picks up this DVD and thinks "Hmm might be funny. It's a Bond Movie and it's got Peter Sellers and David Niven in it. I think I'll buy it". This film is utter utter dangleberrys. Trash, garbage and not very good to boot.

I had the idea that it might be at least OK. I have been such a fan of Bond films, but had only ever heard of this one by name. A comedy Bond? How interesting. The reason I had never seen it on Tv or in any of the Bond collections out on video or dvd before hand, is that it is SO bad.

On the plus side you could re-use the dvd case for a damaged one in your collection.

Sorry but I am so glad that they are making a new Bond film with the same title. That way this one will vanish into the obscurity it deserves.

Extras, extras, tell me about the extras!!!!

Don't expect anything more than the original trailer and a "teaser trailer"…….cos that's all you get.

Last words and thoughts.

Even if the new Casino Royale film starring Daniel Craig is bad……..he can rest assured it can not be as bad as this Casino Royale.

Thanks for reading