Phileas Fogg is a Victorian aristo with a penchant for inventing things and living to a tight schedule so he can get the maximum out of his life. So he surprises himself when he takes up the dastardly Lord Kelvin’s challenge to circumnavigate the world in eighty days. If he fails, he agrees never to invent anything again. Accompanying him is his trusty valet Passepartout, who has stolen a sacred Buddha statue that he must return to his village in China, if he is to protect it from the machinations of the warlord Fang.

Director Frank Coraci and the multiple screenwriters have ditched the race-against-time adventures of Phileas Fogg in favour of a storyline that allows their biggest box-office draw ample opportunity to showcase his martial arts expertise and own brand of physical comedy. In reality this film shouldn’t work; it is messy, lacking in plot, has dreadful continuity, questionable stabs at comedy and special effects, too many celebrity cameos and varies wildly in styles and calibre of acting. But despite the lack of story and the episodic structure the film manages to be an entertaining family romp that both children and adults will enjoy.

Steve Coogan gives an uneven performance as reluctant gentleman traveller Phileas Fogg. He’s in full-on Alan Partridge mode as the bumbling mad professor type, which seems inappropriate at times (like when he gets all sweaty-palmed about dressing as a woman), although the persona creates more laughs than it kills. It doesn’t help that he’s playing second fiddle to a sidekick. It’s a good enough performance for this type of family fare, but I wouldn’t expect it to stand up to the scrutiny of a more critical audience and I don’t think it will launch Coogan’s Hollywood career.

Jim Broadbent turns the ham dial up to maximum in his scenery-chewing turn as bad guy Lord Kelvin, the dart-flinging, peer abusing egomaniac who sets Fogg’s wager in the first place. It’s a desperately unsubtle performance from a talented actor, but as such tones in with the rest of the film. He’s obviously having fun and gets to say “We’re the Royal Academy of Science. We don’t have to prove anything!” Still at least he fares better than Ewen Bremner, whose sole purpose as Inspector Fix is to be hit by the stars or large objects.

The rest of the cast comprises largely of bizarre cameos by all kinds of actors. Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up in his last role before becoming Governor as randy Prince Hapi, who wants to marry Monique. The Wilson brothers (Owen and Luke) show up as the bickering Wright Brothers. Mark Addy is easily the most entertaining person in the film as the Steamer Captain who helps Fogg to get across the Atlantic. He gets the best lines in what I suspect to be a largely improvised performance (“You had me at the nipples!” and “How the hell are we going to get home?” believe me, it’s all in the delivery). John Cleese turns up in a pointless role as a police constable, Kathy Bates is Queen Victoria, Sammo Hung appears as Chinese hero Wong Fei Hung and Richard Branson still can’t act as the Balloon Man. One of the most surprising cameos is Rob Schneider, who is far less irritating than usual as San Francisco tramp.

I still have no idea how the film manages to hold together. It’s a glossy romp that triumphs through style over substance, I suppose and just as you might be getting bored another star cameo comes along to take your mind off the absence of plot. It is about half-an-hour too long, though and Fogg’s eventual return to London is maddeningly fantastical. How much you like the film will depend on how much you enjoy Jackie Chan films and how easy it is for you to divorce the movie from the original novel, or even the adventure laden fifties adaptation starring David Niven. It’s worth a watch if you want something to see with the kids and Spider-Man 2 has sold out, but it’s hardly essential viewing. You don’t even get a montage of all Jackie’s cock-ups at the end and there is a particularly cloying version of “It’s a Small World After All” over the end credits, but you don’t have to sit through it.