Anaconda DVD

Advantages: Voight's good performance
Disadvantages: everything else

...in search of the elusive anaconda worshiping Shirishama tribe. Goin with him on his little quest is Jennifer Lopez as the director of the movie Stoltz is making, and Ice Cube as the cinematographer. As they sail through the Amazon river they meet a stranded snake hunter who the pick up and he promises the way to the tribe they are looking for Voight, instead, has his own deadly plan and it sure isn't going to go down well with the others. This movie ...
...and totally dumb. They try SO HARD to make a beliveable movie, but with Stoltz getting ill at the beginning of the movie and spending just about all of it suffering in bed with a fever, they are pushing it. Mix in a little Lopez, it is her first gig as a director, and she goes on this unbelievable mission through some of the most dens forest land in the world with only the few people they have, not a chance. I guess Lopez and Stoltz were just for ... Read review

Advantages: see review
Disadvantages: see review

...say that a movie like Anaconda didn't really have that much chance of being too much of a success. A rather large man-eating snake isn't exactly the most fearsome of movie monsters and it would no doubt have taken a director and cast of some talent to make it even come close to working. Anaconda doesn't have these and as a result it does exactly what I feared it would...it sucks, and it sucks big time. The plot...well what there is of it. Hollywood ...
...yet another example of that. Anaconda features a film crew making a documentary in the Amazon jungle with an anthrapologist. All well and good except that this film crew seems to come from the Disney studio and behaves like they are a bunch of looney toons characters. Ignore this though if you can and you find that they have stumbled across a stranded poacher/big game hunter/ermm whatever he is in the middle of the jungle in the form of John Voight. ... Read review

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...of a lethal 40 foot anaconda is thoroughly entertaining. A documentary film crew embark on a journey to find an undocumented tribe, only they find an evil loner on a journey to find an anaconda. They wind up coming face to face with giant water snakes and battle for their lives. The film is action packed and has good special effects. Its best to watch this on a big screen as it is very fast and full of surprises. I would recommend this to people ... Read review

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Anaconda is a formulaic monster movie with decent but hardly state of the art special effects. As such, it is ripe for criticisms such as "Snakes don't move that fast!", "Snakes don't have vocal cords!", and "I can predict exactly who is going to die and who isn't!" Despite the fact that these statements are all true, they aren't valid criticisms. This is camp, remember. The level of "cheese" is spread on just thick enough to be fun, but not so thick ... Read review

Advantages: It ends
Disadvantages: It's awful

A simply way to sum up this film would be to say Jaws with snakes. Sadly that does the shark film a major injustice and vastly over credits this...thing. We're on safe ground storywise with a bunch of documentary makers sailing up the amazon in search of something or other (go on, have a guess what it is). Along the way the come across loony tune John Voight who promptly puts everyone in their place, blows up a damn and incurs the wrath of the snake ...
...the usual pick-the-cast-off-one-at-a-time storyline with Voight being indestrutable and going even more gung-ho and doolally. Yes, the story IS that bad and even though the cast are not exactly A-list material, they never stand a chance against a script this limited. We get one dimensional characters, stereotypes galore, and the usual awful dialog. Although the writers try to inject some tension and drama into the proceedings, we're all far too ... Read review