I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, but I need to get this of my chest. Last night I watched your film A KNIGHT'S TALE on television and, although it cost me nothing to watch, this morning I am in urgent haste to inform you that it is truly of the most deplorable, deplorable taste. I am not by any means trying to pick a fight with your sensibilities, God forbid, but God!
To begin complaining then, why the hell were Queen singing 'We Are The Champions' over the top of the fighting when from what I could gather (and correct me if I'm wrong as it is possible, having dozed off every now and again throughout the film)… correct me if I'm wrong but the film is set in the 14th century? I only ask because at one point I could have sworn I heard David Bowie? Is this not musically blasphemous? I mean, surely none of this makes any sense to you? Did you also fall asleep at intervals throughout the editing of the film? If not then you have no defence and I can only think that you must have watched Baz Luhrmann's WILLIAM
SHAKESPEARE'S ROMEO & JULIET far, far too many times and thought copying from its ill-thought idea (i.e. making it modern) would be one of wonder. Well, may I enlighten you that whilst this idea might be interesting, if not substantial, making it modern whilst remaining in the past is… is… I simply have no words. Your perspective of 14th century women is also in another time-frame, notably the 21st century, which makes you, along with your friend Roland Emmerich for having made GODZILLA, a damn nuisance. For instance, for example, for a film that is set somewhat six hundred years ago the females look remarkably healthy and divine for a century where England didn't stop suffering from famine and disease until the start of the next century. Do they not? And that actress who plays Kate, were you asleep when she read her lines? Surely you must know that people didn't talk like that then, like they've came straight out of a shopping mall? Surely you must know, surely, with God's help you can know.
In a nutshell you have a story about a humble attendant who, impersonating a knight (with a Nike sign on his armour) becomes one of the greats with a weapon and of course who wins the girl; but let me ask you a question. When were you thinking of going back to the office to type those memos? The reason I ask is because filmmaking is obviously not a profession you belong in, for this premise has been written time and time again, to the point where, at some point, even in a film not meant to be taken seriously, aimed at people able to suspend belief, you have to stop and think about what you're doing, which is rehashing rehashes. The worst cinematic crime of A KNIGHT'S TALE, which without it might have just-about saved the film from a quick death, is that I really couldn't have cared less about the class struggle you tried to emphasise, so I really didn't care whether or not our golden boy Heath Ledger as the knight won in the end or whether his little chums died of starvation. In fact, I wish they had, at least then I'd have the realism of the Middle Ages to comment positively upon.
Please don't get me wrong, please, I don't hate this film (Heath Ledger was fine, if not, like everyone else, out of place) but not hating it as much as a film I really, really hate (like A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER, which, may I remind you, you wrote)... this does not mean that I like it, that I think it was over two hours of my life well spent; no, in fact after having watched this film-flam of a movie I am of the opinion that your writing contribution to L.A. CONFIDENTIAL must have been to spell-check Curtis Hanson's script, because how can you possibly have helped when your idea of making films is A KNIGHT'S TALE? Please, I understand enough to know you are clearly out for the money, and I have no problem with you for this because I believe even hack-filmmakers like you have to eat sometimes, but I have a suggestion, which I hope you won't take too lightly. Why don't you take all of the dollars you have earned from such atrocities as this and PAYBACK and 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU and use it to go to a very good school. There you can re-open the textbooks, on the Middle Ages chapter in particular, and slowly, very slowly, make your way up to the modern day. My idea is that by this time, by the time you can distinguish the distinct difference of time, you will probably and hopefully be too old to make a hash of it again.
Best regards,
Curtis Hanson
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Production Year: 2008 - Action/Adventure - Director: Christopher Nolan - Original Language: English - Classification: 12 years and over - Starring:Maggie Gyllenhaal, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine
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Production Year: 1964 - Action/Adventure - Director: Cyril Endfield - Original Language: English - Classification: Parental Guidance - Starring:Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, Ulla Jacobsson, James Booth, Michael Caine, Nigel Green
Production Year: 1977 - Action/Adventure - Director: Clint Eastwood - Original Language: English - Classification: 18 years and over - Starring:Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Pat Hingle, William Prince, Bill McKinney
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![A Knight's Tale [DVD] [2001]](http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/78527850.jpg "A Knight's Tale [DVD] [2001]")
Oct 5th, 2006
(Nov 7th, 2006)
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